当初放弃了出国生造的机会也不就因为你们说在国内念，你们前的方面会宽松很多，可是你们的一举一动真的让我很难想象和兑现。

说没钱，还不是pattern 多过badminton 的买了两只能够共我念完整个大学的名表。

买完名表后又和我说现在钱周转不灵，叫我钱少用点，省点用。

有时在想，你时不时当我要出国念书时说我自私只顾着自己前途时，到底真正自私的人有是谁呀。

明明就有能力可是却说没有，明明就却只是想把我留在你身边，却转身和我说你没钱。

反正怎么样都会没钱，倒不如就让我出国算了。

可是，我现在又能怎么样，生米煮成熟饭，后悔也要自己扛，毕竟是自己心软，自己放弃，自己没坚持。

全是自己的错。

我真的很讨厌自己。讨厌自己那么没用。

Sometimes, I wished I wasn't the one inclined in photo editing in the group. A skill great to have, useful to have around. A torture to execute. Countless rounds of editing, unneeded amount of stress to create perfection and meeting expectations. 😔

To be honest, tonight I would rather be the computer moron sleeping my night off doing nothing. 

I'm not blaming anyone, I had my candies when it was my turn, but... I'm tired of having to just keep doing. 

Hopefully, this is the last. 

I have been photoshopping for too long of a time since I can remember that I think it fried my brains. 

无奈。

我讨厌现在的生活。

讨厌自己没有用的感觉，当米虫的感觉。

讨厌除了不是做家务就是读书的感觉。

跟讨厌你就每次不爽的时候就对我死。

整天都讲我发飙的时候对你死，你也不想想，我是跟谁学的？

你心情不好的时候又有没有想到我们的感受。你苦我们就不苦么？

从我感觉过，不过家这东西好像越来越陌生了。从前有的温暖也慢慢的感觉不到了。

想想，因该是要想想办法晚点回，避嫌。

我是爱哭鬼。

我是爱哭鬼，名副其实，实质名归。
自小就很爱哭，不能吃饭，哭。摔倒，哭。比赛输了，哭。不能拥有最新的玩具，哭。考试不及格也是哭；是一个泪很倾谈的女生。

不过越来越大，心的枷锁也越来越重，懂事，慢慢的不喜欢在人面前哭，不管家人，闺蜜也好。不喜欢哭。

虽然知道，哭了，他们也会很乐意的帮我分担我的不愉快，可是总觉得在他们面前哭犹如把痛苦和悲伤慢慢的往他们心里丢去。就算哭完了，问题还是存在，而反而让多个人为我担心。这种麻烦人的感觉不好受。

可是爱哭鬼始终还是爱哭鬼。
不过与其选择在人前哭，我选择用别的方法哭出自己的苦。
电影啊，短片啊。越催泪，我越爱。

就算现在也是久久一次，把憋久了的一次性的在独自一个人的时候悄悄的通通哭出来。

就如此刻，两个短片，十五分钟，看的我一把鼻涕，一把泪的。感觉好爽哟～ ☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

阅读着的你们肯定觉得我奇怪，不过还有什么办法呢？

ｖ（＾＿＾ｖ）♪ 我是爱哭鬼耶咦耶～

AFA'13

Long time no see, long time no see.

Long time no see, long time, long time no see.

Hello, people of the internet.

How have you guys been! :)

So if you guys are an otaku like me, you probably should know that last two weeks go is the annual AFA 2013! :O *hands in the air* WOOOOHOOOO. LIKE A FINALLY. 

BUT guess what? For this time, unlike the many times, the timing isn't placed on a holiday for me like most of the time :( and worst of all? It's on my second lab paper and 5 days before my final exam. LIKE WTF? -,-

Kill me please.

AND SO... I contemplate and contemplate and contemplate and... contemplate....

Final paper... AFA... final paper... AFA. 

And in the end. Like the post titles says, I went. So much for being 21 years old, a young, new, disciplined adult! My ass. HAHAHAHA. I just knew that even if I didn't go, I wouldn't end up studying at home. Instead, I will just be thinking and thinking and thinking about it like the many events I missed like the JJ lin one when the UTs were around. So, I went in the end. :/

 

With my favourite cap, new shirt, new bag and new shoes. 

AFA, here I come!

(Also known as another day of squandering your parents money.) 

But come to think of it now, there isn't much I bought, I spent most of my time taking pictures with the displays there. *gulp* COOL MAN. 

Well, let the pictures do the rest of the talking. :)

End.

As much as I hate to say, I finished my first ever module in uni. 

No longer a freshmen I guess. (I wasn't supposed to be one anyway.) 

Ups and downs, highs and lows. 

What's upon me now are the stress from the upcoming papers and the weighage those papers are carrying. Hell, they are heavy. 

I really hope I ace them. Like really. The McQ's disappointing enough. I don't need another downfall. 

Anyways, although I should say the path of this module isn't really smooth, loads of bumpy roads I should say too; people ignoring me, having to solo most of my lab sessions. It's crazy especially for the fact that I am pretty weak when it comes to lab. I would never think about solo-ing if I was in poly. Most probably fail and be dragged out. （−＿−；）Just saying.

But I have come far I guessed. I'm glad I end up staying with the small group even though it's a tougher route. I really learnt much much more. 

Thank god for sending "贵人" all around me to help me adapt. 

Having to thank and be grateful. The only thing I wish now is... Do well, Shermaine. Do so fucking well. (￣Д￣)ﾉ

茫然。

原本空闲而没有写记事本习惯的我，该说就算有试着写的时候，也从来没撑过一个月吧～ 太幸福了。

说难听点，就是 no life 可言。不是上学还是上学，要不就考试，写屁。来来去去不就是一样的东西。写了也是白写，这种小事用脑记就行了。

可是，惋惜的人总得长大，因上了大学的关系，不得不开始拥有及学习的安排起自己的时间。

惊喜的是，写着写着已经写了第二个月了，可见我很多朋友以前是有多忙啊，个个都比我早有此习惯。

好的是，写着写着，有的更清楚知道自己的行程，因此为不同的事情安排时间。

坏的则是像我刚列排完的十一月，一看就好像卖身给学校这样。课的时间不是在周末那种鸟不生蛋的时间，要不就是那种因为太中间的时段而浪费了一整天不能安排东西的那种吉时。

真的时，尼马的。

最惨的还是大考一完，马上就上新科。

科导，你到底有完没完啊～

还我自由！

我该嘛那么快就要进修呀～(╥﹏╥)

第一个考试的成绩终于出来了。
分数，真的是惨不忍睹。

虽然，自己考了之后，以近有自知之明，可是还是伤心的可以。
可能是因为自己也知道情况不一样了吧。

以前，考的再烂，还有daily grade加持，辅助。
现在？ 4个考试定江山。

也可能是，因为上了大专之后也没真正考过什么大烂，特烂的成绩。
现在，不适应，心真的有够痛。

现在，其中一个，惨不忍睹。
上周考的，感觉也 not here not there.
这次不完蛋也难。

老妈看到我哭，心疼的安慰我别哭。
可是一心想着从考；学费真的好贵！

不哭才怪。

加油吧，希望后面两关能旗开得胜，返回一成。

笑一个。

School.

Hello, the few people that reads my blog.
It's me again. (obviously) back to write a post, since I just have a sudden realisation that I haven't been doing some serious blogging about everything.
Maybe for the fact that I have been busy with a lot of shit recently that I haven't really got any mood to blog anymore.

Shall tune my time capsule to two months. Since I I think I haven't really blabber much about life since then.
Well, something major happened; I STARTED SCHOOL. Yup. I started university and all I can say about that is. I don't like it! :( So much for integrating to university as a PBL students. Lectures, solo-ing lab stuff cause no one wants to partner with me and closed-booked exams. BOOOOO.

(Liar liar, pants on fire.)

I thought I would adapt fast, although honestly, I am not a person who adapts fast to environment, but hey, I have been trained to do all these since primary to secondary school right? I should be alright. (That's all self-consolation.) In the end, it isn't as smooth-sailing as I have expected, but hey, I guess I am learning right? One month down, I am getting used to the feeling of doing my own lab shit, I am slowly adapting to having to listen to 3 hours straight of lecture. I making new friends.

There's only one thing left I guess. EXAMS. Two exams down, the first one was horrible, I didn't even understood what the paper was saying. FANTASTIC BABY.

The second paper I had just 2 days ago was the demoralising one. Making me feel as if I am not cut.

The different highlighting factor was widely because I understood the paper, knew what was the various questions asking for and all that shit, but the bullshit come when I needed the minute details for the various concepts. That's when the shit comes in. 

For almost 3-4 years of my life, I never had to memorise no shit, all I have to do is know the concepts, understand it and the rest would be covered by open book notes, nothing else. 

Now? No way that's going to work. :( 

I really don't know how freaking long it would take me to forget this method of studying and move on, but I have to do it fast since final exam is like just less than 2 weeks away. :'( 

Just kill me someone. Please. 

Never felt so useless before. 

Acting happy and strong doesn't help anymore. 

Well, all I am hoping now, is may this post become a joke, in the 2 years to come after I graduate. 

Stay strong, Shermaine. 

Birthdays.

ヽ(oﾟｪﾟo)ﾉ

Always loved birthdays since I'm a little kid, you receive presents, get to eat cakes and good food...until... I had friends. Like real friends that be there for you, do things for you, inclusive of doing sweet birthdays to brighten up your birthdays. 

It seemed that doing the same thing back would be mandatory, 以上往来嘛。

Year after year, it becomes a nightmare. 

I mean no joke. 

Meaningful, heartfelt cards, thoughtful gifts. Oh not to mention the effort and all the late nights. 

Jumble it all up, a chore worst than any jobs in the world, because your not doing things to meet up with other's but the standard of your own, year after year with the standards rising to surpass last year.

So much for 超越ing 自己。

Oh, not to mention that the nightmare becomes worst if you are like me, who have loads of friends whose birthdays fall on the same month? 

(Just seemed to clique with October babies exceptionally well.)

Burn your pockets full of holes and challenging the limits of your liver. 

Although, the end products and the appreciation would always make everything worthwhile, but... I'm tired.

Ultra tired. Just let me off. 😭😣

I'm glad October is almost over. 

Shall celebrate gloriously with a hydrating mask and my 俗剌到不行的hello kitty睡衣。

Yes, people. Laugh.

I need a laugh at myself too. 

I really need a break. A cleanse for my soul and body. 

Down with birthdays, comes my exams.

不想听到肝爆的声音也不行，加油吧，Shermaine。

Shall stop here, since I don't even know what I'm even writing already with all the mixture of Chinese and English usage all over the place. 

My brain really needs rest.

( ? _ ? )

闭眼时，历历在目似的想起你们的争吵，就算在渴望爱的我，因该也没想要爱了吧。

谢谢你们让我看清了，不管多浓烈，伟大的爱都会有烧到尽头的一天。

此刻的我也真的希望自己能够快点长大，不管是经济上还是性格上，因为你们今天也让我看清了事事无绝对。就算再美好的家，也有可能有支离破碎的一天。

与其等到事情发生以后，才问自己能做什么，能去哪里，不如把自己独立，坚强起来。一切靠自己。

怪只怪自己没用。生活过太爽啦得事事都靠父母。

我真的是该长大了。

歌的领悟。

在今晚的深夜里，突然有了想听听你的歌的冲动；《真心相对》。
听着，听着，有了和上一次不一样的领悟。

听着，听着，不经意的又想起了N年前为你做的疯狂事。
就是有那么一段曾经，我想的，说的，做的，全都是你。

回想着的过程里，才发现自己真的长大了。
曾经的狂言和幻想更显得自己自不量力。

这也难怪你最后选择转身离开。
曾经骄傲的作品，当时的你也因该那么觉得吧？

不成熟也好，脑进水也罢。什么理由都好。
我这段破烂的过去，抹不掉也忘不了，因为我就是有那么一段不堪回首的过去。

怎么的甩，这还是我的过去，也是建造了现在的我的一块大砖头。

换做是没了这块大砖头，我就因该不会是现在的我，也因此失去了多的教训和人生历练吧。

所以就那么《放了自己》吧！虽没办法和你续缘，直到现在，我还是珍惜着你来过我心中的烙印，也珍惜着因你而得到的福分和所有得到友情，打从心里的感谢。

虽想否认的，感谢你来到我的生活。

放了自己 放了回忆

放了世界不过如此而已

多少庆幸 多少风景

再放了之后才清晰

PS:深夜里怎么都是听这种吃力不讨好的个呀, 吃力的一半还选择跳tone. :3

New yay yays. Ｏ(≧∇≦)Ｏ

Believe it or not, I FINALLY GOT A NEW WALLET. 

☆*･゜ﾟ･*\(^O^)/*･゜ﾟ･*☆

*Recovers from all the star throwing. Ahem.*

Happiness I am having now could be said to be indescribable by any forms of words. 

I FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY GOT A NEW WALLET. HAHA.

Yups, that's pretty much all that I can say.

Don't be too surprised why I got so happy with a wallet. 

If you know me well enough, I hadn't had a nice wallet since poly year 2 if I should say. 

Didn't knew what got into me, when I felt that I grew out of my trifold Velcro wallet and maybe that day, the heat in Singapore decide to fry my brains a little where I decided to randomly told my mom that I liked a pink wallet I happen to see on the counter while walking through OG. 

Guess what, whining to have a new wallet, my mom got into a decision to get me THAT pink wallet that I randomly said was nice and so I ended up with that. *clap clap*

It was great for a while since I did wanted to try out the different types of wallets and find out what was for me, since all I ever used was those billabong tri-fold wallets primary school kids would pimp up with a shiny dangling long chain across their shorts. 

Apart from that, I also felt that maybe I should make a change, make myself too feminine, get a lady's wallet. Well, pink was also always one of my favourite colour too. Soooooo. Yup. You get the drift.

*Releasing the inner diva in me~* 

It was till some time of usage that I realise that the wallet's huge, thick to be more specific. Definitely not convenient for someone like me who doesn't likes carrying bags around or stuffing my wallet into my pockets so I don't have to hold them and end up losing them (personal experiences; pockets good! Hold boo!) 

Therefore, out of all the misfits, I still carried on with that wallet, forcing to make that wallet fit my needs instead, dumping it around and trying to fit it in my back pocket if I really need to (Yup, I will have an unbalanced size butt cheeks if I do so.) and as time prolongs, wear and tear happens, even algae decide to grow on it. *nods* It's that bad. 

It's still a pretty nice wallet now that I looked at it once more, in fact there are really areas that I really liked such as the coin compartment and the huge card capacity, I even tried a few other girly wallets, longer ones, slimmer ones. They are good in their own way too, but no. Girly wallets, you don't fit me. Really. 

It's like a chinese saying. 勉强是没有幸福的。

That's how I pretty much knew that I had to find a new wallet.

Only this time round with a clearer agenda aside from only looks like the other time. 

I knew what kind of wallet I am looking for. 

Something slim, something classy and of course something that can fit my coins.

Through the various tries in between, I learnt the hard way that coins and phones are never good friends when they stay together. Sacrificed the corners of my iphone for that. BOOOOOO. 

The search was tough, nothing really fitted the bill for a really long time, it was either too ugly, not nice enough or no coin compartment. BOOOOO.

That was till I stumbled across, Bellroy. *The commercial tang tang tang. Haha.* 

I am serious. It was love at first sight, the contrast of the dark brown and the red leather, that's exactly my kind of colour. HOW CAN I NOT LOVE IT. 

I loved it to the extend that I was even ready to sallow the heavy price tag of $169 without any forms of research, but then again I was kinda lucky to the extend that my 21st was coming and everyone, yes, I am serious, everyone; wanted to get me a wallet, cause everyone knew how bad I am already hating my wallet but sadly, nothing really came, after a big round of wooha, I did received a wallet, a kate spade one, which was theoretically speaking more, more expensive than what I could expect for. 

But then again, it is a lady's wallet. Sure, it's pretty, in fact, I liked what I saw, but it's just simply too big. It's definitely a wallet I will carry, but just not now.

That aside, the point is, I still needed a new wallet. 

That's when I started doing research about this very product again, getting to know the plus points and sadly, like every other products, the negatives about this product. Sure, it's slim and such. Sure, it's pretty and such, but sadly, I got to find out that somewhere in the world. People around are not having a nice time using this wallet. There have been instances of people finding it too big, not being able to fit the capacity of cards as promised. The breakage of the leather, the leather being not being in a pristine when they first got it. Even one that really sort of broke the deal for me at one point of time. 

There was this guy on youtube, even had the side stitching of wallet coming off slowly on the first week of usage, and it was so bad that he had to tape it back with the use of super glue. Oh Lord. All that really got me thinking for a while whether this wallet was meant for me and therefore, plan bellroy got on hiatus for a while. 

WHILE I SUFFER WITH A LONG WALLET MY MOTHER GAVE ME.ヽ(≧Д≦)ノ It's so troublesome that I almost left it everywhere I went when I didn't carry a bag with me.

Well, that was until bellroy decided to again appear in my workplace and be sold there. 

I literally was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY. 

Plus the assurances from people around me, I finally bought it and till this very moment I can say that I am happy with my purchase. 

Just look at this baby! Even the unboxing process is nice. Just look at that packaging! 

Look at the details of the red stitching.  (´∀｀)♡

The red part of the wallet that I fell in love with when I first saw it at cine. 

 (´∀｀)♡  (´∀｀)♡

The lining of the wallet. Just look at that. Not the boring lining you get with normal wallets!

 (´∀｀)♡  (´∀｀)♡  (´∀｀)♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ SARANGHAE YO. 

After about relatively close to one week of usage, I can say that, although this wallet is fabulous from head to toe, it's seriously not perfect, but I like to phrase it another way, that I might have too little experiences with leather wallets as as can be seen from the pictures, it's only been one week of usage, the wallet is already showing signs of softening and aging. 

Just look at the edges, so heartbrokening especially when you are still having the hype of having a brand new wallet. 

Not something I experience from my previous wallets, maybe it's due to the fact that the leather itself is unsealed.

(Bear in mind with the fact that I have been taking good care of the wallet as it's new and also that I have seen another side of the wallets during my experiences of selling it, with the rough usage of customers with the display sets we display out on the sales floor. Our display sets are beaten up! Scratches and cramps.Oh, and not forgetting the youtube reviews!) 

This wallet needs to be taken care of. 

(Unlike my friend's Porter wallet! Looks so much more durable!) 

That's one part I feel rather disappointed especially with the fact that this wallet itself came with a big price tag. At least one that I felt was the biggest I ever had.

I didn't regret the fact that I got this wallet for the fact that I think that I must have some kinds of affinity with it since it still came back to me after so much. Call me Ms superstitious! HAHA. 

Just felt that this should be something that the company should think about. Especially when I am not the only one feeling that. 

Half-woken confessions.

Pardon my language. It's currently 2:59 as I am composing this blog post.
Don't ask me why I am still awake so late at night, cause I have no idea why too.
Body clock's getting more and more screwed as the days passed and school is creeping faster and faster towards me with terrible load of things undone and ought to be done; as usual, procrastination at it's best from the Shermaine you know. Yup.

Nonetheless, it's this kinds of moments, late at night when my parents are asleep, my sister's asleep that here I am away from the noise. Away from everyone, just me and some good music. Maybe it's me feeling tired to always be the one entertaining the people around me, trying too hard to fit in and make everyone happy, although impossible, but that's what I am physically doing on a daily basis till I am barely making my end meets.

It's sure never fun to always be wearing a mask acting all happy and joyous.
Yes, indeed I have to admit, I never had the guts of making anyone unhappy, I never had the guts to stand up for myself, whatever I am feeling and receiving now is full self-brought upon.
No one to blame but myself, but me.

Hence the need of my time alone, irony to say. All these pleasing from avoiding what I am afraid of, makes all these time alone, meaningful and precious to me as this is the only period where I can be truly what I am and the only rare moments I would be willing to face the real me.

Call me a night owl, a title I will gladly accept. :3

Sudden realization.

Most of the times in life, instead of cherishing what I already have, I ponder over what I had, what I could have or what I should have bought. 

Like that iPod classic I should have got instead of the iPod touch I should have now. 

Or "OMG, the new iPod touch is SOOOOO COOL." 

Or even, "Shit, why am I so fat that I can't wear this shirt/blouse/pants that I really like!!! TSK.

All the tsk, tsk, tsk, but tonight. A sudden realization. I'm actually happy of what I'm having. Many of which many people might be craving/wishing or simply just dying to have. 

Tonight, I'm feeling contented with that slight tinge of gratitude. I'm really a lucky and fortunate kid. 

I hope I stay feeling that way. I really hope. 

内心里那个小女孩。

不幸中的不幸，自从发育后，本人资质就达不到标准女生应该有的。不论是说身材，样貌或气质。自从发育以后，就像金三角内的船只离奇失踪。

可能，以前年纪还小，不觉得怎么样，甚至还试着因为自己的容貌和身材而试着改变自己，让自己能够融入别人给我的标准。

这是多年来，我可以说什么风格都尝试过了；娇滴滴风，帅气风，庞克风，反正就是入流的，不入流的，我都试过。

可惜的是，我最后选择的并不是让我最舒服，最让我做回我自己的那个风格，而是选择了让我最能逃避世俗眼光而融入人群的风格。

我不知道我到何时才能做回自己，我也不知道何时才能够走回自己想要走的风格。

躲在我心里的小女孩，坚持住。

A change is going to come. 

Keep on believing, one day, you will have your moment. 

To put on a dress that you always wanted, with a perfect complexion and a Prince Charming. 

😴😪😯😲😱😫😩😁 Now wake up. 

Packing.

Since I am charging my phone with nothing better to do, let's talk about packing.
HAHA. Sudden inspiration to write! :3

Had a chat with a friend just a while ago, with my mom nagging once in a while asking me to do this and that for her. I mean seriously, can't you wait a little? Got me into thinking what's gotten into her recently with her all new revolution of keeping the house clean and tidy, throwing out things all at a shot, trying to change us all at one shot. Shouting at us, forcing us to do at her beck and call.

*Imagine Cinderella and her God mother.* Yup. That's pretty much how I felt.

To be honest, I know I have never ever ever been in the definition of a neat person, but that doesn't mean I enjoy being messy. Maybe it has always been the fact that I have got a maid since a very young age and I never had to get my hands on doing anything and there will always be a little "genie" at my beck and call, helping me to get things done. Not that it's anything bad, but it's because of that, that I never got to cultivate any forms of good tidying habits, because no matter how I place my things, or misplace, it would be in that same spot for me after some time or the other. GREAT JOB.

I am not trying to blame for anyone, or anything. I clearly know what my mother is trying to do, but please, before I go out of my mind with the great amount of changes pile with the nerve-wrecking amount of nagging. PLEASE STOP.

Let me change myself one step at a time. This is your house alright. You want it to be clean, but that is my room, my stuff. Let me do the changes by myself. So what if I am messy. I am trying already. SO STOP IT. It doesn't mean that I ain't doing no shit just because you ain't seeing much differences in the room day after day. I am not Harry potter with a magic wand.

Sometimes, I really wished that I was a clean freak with zero tolerance with mess. Maybe then, I could keep up with my mom's tempo, but currently, I AM SERIOUSLY ENOUGH OF YOUR SHIT.

THE WORLD DON'T REVOLVE AROUND YOU. STOP IT.

Happy change.

Most of you would have already know through my Instagram that I have once again started dieting and the whole "I want to lose weight" shit. ✌

Yes, but to be honest, it wasn't as intense as the one I got the previous time round. Yes, I'm working out more intensely as compared to the last time, but food-wise. I'm still taking my carbs and my all so delicious food. ☺ 

The weight loss might not have been as quickly and as obvious as the previous time, but I'm enjoying the process from this time round so much better than previously. At the very least, I'm healthier than I'm previously (with a happier belly too, hence lowering the chances of a redraw all and to top it all up. I'm losing weight!! YAY!) 

YAY TO CHANGES!! 

(That's a first. :p) 

Disappointment.

It has been long since I have written a post, always had the intention to write a post, but never had took the effort to sit down and got it down into words.

BUT, very sadly, instead of some marvelous news to share. I am back to rant. :)
Yup, happy ranting good old time.

The main agenda of today's rant is no different from the other times; being fat.
I seriously don't get the part about being fat. I mean seriously.

I don't understand the part why fatter/chubbier people are always the ones being labelled, laughed at or poked for. I don't understand why fat people are always the first ones to get judged and get reactions from people around that they shouldn't exist on Earth.

Mind you fit and lean asses out there, like you fat people are humans too, like you, they are dreams, they have minds, they have hearts that give them something that every humans have; feelings.

I get the point of perspective that likewise, me too, despise of really, really morbidly obsessed people since even from my point of view, it really took some effort of letting go to get there and therefore, maybe skinny people like you and the other majority out there feel likewise about us fat people.

Well, understandable, since living till this age of my life, what amount of nasty fat comments I haven't heard before.

OH, RIGHT. NASTY COMMENTS FROM FRIENDS.

It might have been a mindless comment, like the many other bullies have said to me when I couldn't take it anymore and took things to the discipline master.

Even though we aren't close, I always thought and took you as a friend, honestly. Deep down.
Well then again, maybe these are just all my personal feelings. The word THOUGHT says it all.  Honestly, maybe it is because of this, I am really offended with what you have said, be it what or who the status was for.

There's a thousand evil things I would have done to you right now, but then again, what for, my friend?

Maybe my choice to let it go because you're my friend might make me regret it in the future, but then again what do I gain from... 

Friend, friend, friend. I am really disappointed in what you did. Do you even know?

No, should I say, do you even care?

 — feeling disappointed

Fat oily rants.

Being fat was never really an issue to me, so what I'm fat. I'm still me. The problem about being fat is about having to not look good in anything but cheap and ordinary clothes. Anything other than that, forget about it ughh. For us, nothing is trendy, nothing is new it is not that we don't have fashion sense like those of you fashionista out there. It is that everything we wear will make us look like a big round ball. 

As much as I hated that part, being fat is also one of the reasons I'm always looked down upon. Why? Don't ask me. I never understood that part either. Being fat doesn't mean we don't have a mind, a heart or a soul. We too, like the pretty humans out there, have feelings too, so stop being all out there trying to damage our confidence when we don't even have much left in the beginning.

Today's incident just made me clearer to my lost goal. I was lost, but thanks to your one glance. 

I will prove it to all that once looked down to us. We are like you too. Being fat doesn't make us freaks. 

It is time. I hope I push it through this time.

加油吧，Shermaine. 你可以的。

语无伦次。

Spent a day doing nothing, wasted I should say.

To be honest, really had the feeling to go out and gym, it's really time to get back into shape, can already feel all the fats climbing back to my ass and tummy. Pants are all getting tighter, BUT then again, the haze's really making it a difficult mission impossible. 

You could call me a 天生贱骨头 maybe, always wanting to do the wrong things at the wrong time. 

Like feeling to practice a difficult song in the midst of a sore throat and cold, doing housework while having UT the next day waiting, and like to day, having the desire to run and lift weights in the midst of this horrible haze. HA, well. That's me. :D 

Welcome to my world. 

Maybe it could be the haze, that I wasted a day sleeping and watching videos, watching variety shows ranging from 康熙來了all the way to 百变大咖秀. Yup. I am that weird. However watching all that, made me started thinking. 

韵味，气质，这两样东西真的是一个人不可缺少的。

Seriously,  applicable to whether being yourself, or just simply how the world is trying to be anybody else but themselves. This two things are a MUST HAVE and thinking back, it is also this two things that made me fall for the artistes I once or still inspired. 

Sadly, just so sadly to say, I am still one common individual that has still haven't found mine. 

Sadly to say, I think it's hidden in that layer of fats in me. To be honest, I never thought that being fat is something to be sad about in the past, but as I grow older, being fat is seriously a disadvantage. 

Being fat, you walk slower than people, you don't look good in ANYTHING, some people think that you're just dumb and worthless. WELL. It's my fault anyway that I become fat. :/

YUP. Pretty self- explained.

Hi y'all.

Seemed really long since I have made a decent post about anything huh? 

Life have been hectic ever since I have last genuinely updated in like April? O.O Didnt knew what had gotten into me, but just didn't had the mood to got to update even though there was really a considerable amount of things to update. 

For one major one was going and coming back from a school trip to china, two regarding my graduation, three that I will be going to be twenty-one pretty soon and that I will be holding my second ever party in my life; first being the one when I had when I was one :p and four, stepping into a new stage of life where I will be recieving education from a private institute. 

Seemed like pretty much going on huh?

Yeah, I think so too. Maybe that's the reason why I am not feeling the mood to write anything. 

Nah. That's not true. 

I'm just most of the time busy and moody over things. Well, a lot of things. Too much that I don't know where to begin anymore. :/ 

Well, blame no one since I am not good in anything to begin with. 

Not good in doing sales, handling stress, studying and the things I love. Just not good in doing anything in general. 

Hmmm. 

Life. 

Where are things always greener on the other side? 

And here comes my mood swing again, making my mind go viral again about how unfair life is. 

Till then. Bye. 

It's on!!

Seriously hope that it would turn out fine. :|

我。。。

终于，毕业了。

这三年的酸甜苦辣，

这三年来建立的友情和感情，

这三年所得到的教导，

我应该会铭记一生。

谢谢每个让我在这三年的每个人。

Cleared.

The feeling of having back my desk from the horrendous messy demon is seriously beyond words can describe. Heh.

So awesome that it should be recorded down. Lol.

But seriously...

It has been long since I have sat at it to get serious work done cause from all that I can remember was that since the start of UT2, mess has been piling up and all I could do was move to another venue or space just so I could do my work.

Laziness is the key.

But... Since all was over. It's time...

NO MORE EXCUSE FOR MESS!!! ・ﾟ・(｡>Д<｡)・ﾟ・



So hello, my desk. Good to meet you again! ヾ(*´▽｀*)ﾉ

脑的主题乐园。

夜里，每次静下来时，总是喜欢听听下音乐让自己有一些对自己诚实的时候。

每一晚，想的主题都会不一样。
前阵子想的不是考试就是大学，真的是烦死了。现在总算尘埃落定，算是做了个决定。虽让不是心里知道不是最好的选择，不过，已经是对大家最好的决定。不知道后来的路会怎么样。

今晚的感觉很怪，好像鸡尾酒；包围着很多的成分。

有快乐的，也有想念的。
开心的就是终于盼到了好友大老远来啦，虽然之前没来的时候，真的想了很多在一起的时候会要做点什么，可是来的时候却也没做什么，只是谈谈。说了真的也没有很好意思。不过，一起时，感觉真的还真不错。

想念的呢，就算了吧。
也不知道再留念着什么，可能是天时地理人和的关系，冲昏了头。

可是到现在我还是对你抱着感谢，感谢因你而发现的这份友情。

不见。

不见东西，有了领悟。
但也很心痛。

好想哭，可是也没用。
怪只怪我粗心。😔😭

What do you listen to?

Music.
A very powerful word.
A very big part of my life.

Everyone agrees the same that the world will never be the same without it.

Some like me, will agree that you can't live without it. Yup, not even one day.

But just not everyone will agree on what's good music.

It's just like how people buying the same top from the same shop can end up buying very different sizes, even color.

I'm a kid who appreciates weird music that most people her age won't. I really don't mind it for as long as I had remember. It might be the tiredness tonight, but tonight. I do mind the fact that I'm different.

I don't know why. Tonight my definition of unique becomes weird, but here am I still listening to my weird music because it still soothes me the way I like it. 😌

Heading to bed with a heavy heart, a slight headache and just a very tired me.

A long deserved getaway.

Nothing better describes my feelings.
Super shiok please, finally getting to another place, away from all the politics and social games. Not forgetting school and all the work waiting for me.

Woohoo, bunched with a chain of random mambo jumbo nonsensical dancing is all I am feeling. 😊

Let's just hope I get the best out of this trip, see the people we wish to meet and come back safety and happily. 😁

Oh, not forgetting. Happy Chinese New Year to whoever that's reading this. May you and my year prosper well like no one's business.

HUAT AH!!

No big deal.

No big deal. It's just my final year presentation tmrw.
I'm still here trying to script my presentation in the middle of the night with everyone deep in their sleeps.

No big deal. Sure. I will be fine.
I just haven't really ironed my formal wear I need for tmrw morning, and now it's like what? 5.29 a.m. in the morning already. Great.

SURE'S THERE'S NO BIG DEAL IN THE VERY BIG DEAL.

I am screwed man. I don't even know which is better to wear. HELP.
*No one's really awake now though :|*

Screw this. Thank you very much for reading.
I am a hopeless kid that do all the wrong things at the wrong time.

Thank you brain for losing the function to prioritize.

Yes, I am blaming everything but myself.

I really hope I get through this. SAFELY. *Prays*