Logbook.

Love-hate relationship I have with this thing.

As dreadful as I hate to do it and will avoid at all cost. Ending up to something that I now surprising enjoying doing the most and not forgetting, giving me the greatest sense of achievement that no modules now seemed to be giving me.

Maybe this is the only thing that a rotten strawberry can feel proud in doing.

But wait till I see the work of my friends. All these pride will fly.

Guess I shall heck care this shit for now. For it's my own work which I will carry pride for.

#HOWIFEEL

Rotten strawberry.

People often categorise the weak and people as strawberries.

Strawberry, although a pretty fruit. Is often need to be taken care frequently to ensure that they are away from all kinds of danger. For all you know the slightest touch will puncture them.

I have never found myself strong as compared to a lot of people I know and often admit that I am even spoilt to certain extent with maid and all that shit that most modern Singaporean kids are also fortunate to have.

However, I also never agreed that I was that weak to withstand the slightest touch of pressure, but judging and thinking back. I feel I am not even worth to be nicknamed as a strawberry.

If strawberries should represent the weak, I should be a super rotten strawberry.

For I am so rotten that I will even collapse with the slightest movement of air. For all that I have left is a hollow structure. Nothing else.

No dreams, no hope, not even encouragement that would make me all these is worth it.

I am tired of all these shit. Trying to look strong, trying to be happy, trying to make my parents proud. I am just tired.

I just am not cut for it.
My shitty results just explains it.
I am running out of steam, a steam that was made on the basis of nothing.

If only is the only thing I can ask myself. If only. I hadn't listened to you. If only I hadn't had that ego to make you proud. If only I decided to go with how I feel. If only...

Will everything be different? Will I be a happier person? Will I be better at doing what I loved? Will I?

Art is abstract is all I can use to console myself with hidden tears at night.

For I have already stuck in this commitment I have decided to give 3 years back.

重复。

重复的课，

重复的老师，

重复的朋友，

重复的人生。

上学可以让人扩大生活圈子，

可是往往也可以把生活圈子变的就是来来回回那几样。

生活，就是如此矛盾。

一生都在忙，忙上课，忙考试，忙毕业，忙工作。

囧囧囧。

What can I handle?

Syllabus. Too much to handle.
Class. Too much to handle.

Coffee. Starting to handle.

Brain. Not able to handle all these too much to handle(s).

Wish that I stop all these by pulling a handle.

Going on an overdrive already.

Because of all these too much to handle things that seriously make me do stuff that I don't do in the past. Eg. Studying beforehand, studying outside so people can teach me.

Just this two points is sufficient to kill me. Leading to once again fall to the beloved grasp of caffeine.

God bless me. Hope they will always help and not build tolerance to it that fast.

Thankful that I have great and supportive parents that understand. Great that I have friends that care.

Thank you, because of you guys I am grateful.

Today's accidental studying session in Wendy's just prove everything.

I will and I must pull through this shit.

Short break, donut romance.

Holidays always seemed to end very fast for me. Busy life always never fails to let me enjoy these free time more.

Especially when I'm able to be alone. Just me, my music, my book and DONUT.

I guess that's the only reason why I got addicted to them so fast for breakfast.

A simple cup of hot drink paired with a Boston cream donut. Heaven. Peace and comfort all in one.

Great for the tired mind and soul. Have been over thinking too much I guess.

New phone case. :)

SO CUTE CAN? :D 

Awwwwwwww. :3

Does it really matter?

Sometimes, words aren't said because they are not thought through about. 

Sometimes words are not said because of various reasons.

If words said won't change anything at all, then why say them? 

If words will make people unhappy. Why say them? 

If words cannot get things across, does it really matter if I say it?

Because towards the end, nothing will change. 

Because you will never believe in what I say. 

There are many things that I have never told you, just like how I believe you would never have told me.

In the end, all of us, just end up planting more and more seeds of assumption. 

With each of those seeds growing every time it happens, our misunderstanding increases. 

Assuming is the root of the problem. Just like every time I have thought that you know nuts about me, do I know the nuts about you? Assumption just got the better of us. 

I am no better than you.

太殘忍的話我直說 因為愛很重

你卻不想懂 只往反方向走

我们就是以为我们懂了，结果越走越远了。

Now that I have known your real reason, your piece of mind, should I do my last part as a friend to clear those seeds of assumption? Or should I just leave it there, since you do sound happier on your part if I just leave you alone. 

美食。

美食。我们每天都需要的，美食。

它很多用途，可以用来庆祝美好的时光，也可以当成解压；化悲愤为食量，可以存催到只是填饱在咕噜咕噜叫的肚子罢了。

食物之所以能成为美食除了要靠厨师的功力，食材的好坏，其实也要看环境和情形的。

多多少少，和谁吃也有很大的关联。

我一直相信，只要是和爱你和你爱的人吃，就算是吃着在小贩中心，很普通的炒果条也会让我吃的津津有味，乐在其中。

反而，是和错的人吃，就算是山珍海味也会吃的很难过，很咽不下口。

就像今天，明明就在着有着美丽的夜景的海边，漂亮的船只，和不错的食物。加起来真的是气派无敌。

就可惜，是跟错的人。

多多少少，一点玩笑和幽默是会让整个用餐的气氛变的更佳，没错。

不过，玩笑玩过火了，只会变得幼稚，愚蠢，甚至让人愤怒。

我不知道我做了什么可以让你这样选择性的利用我当挡箭牌，

就因为我外表不佳，所以选择了我。

可是，不管我度量有多大，心胸多么的宽，我是有限度的。过火就是过火了。

不喊痛并不代表不痛，不爆发不是因为没脾气。

只不过，要为你留个面子。你固然老板。

对，你是老板。就不能有些老板的风范吗？
玩的连别人都受不了，何况是我的感受。
搞的我不知所错，你很爽是吧。

不过，受你一次侮辱，不会有下次。

学乖了，不会有以后。
就像老妈说的一样：“做工就做工，其他免谈”

毕竟，少你占你一些好处我不会死，

毕竟，你不是真正需要我。

我也不是真的需要你的钱。

这恐怕是我吃过一次最难吃的“美食” 了。

First E.book.

Yes, like the title indicated, my very first e-book. 

Got the habit of reading again ever since I got my ipod, it is indeed a right choice that I have chose it over ipod classic. Since I never got the chance to finish any books since I read at the rate of a tortoise and the due date will always come before I can even finish the story. Too lazy to buy any physical copy unless of any special reasons. Even so, if I were to buy all the books I want to read, I think I would be broke by the time. 

Therefore, it's kinda awesome that ipod has this app that allows me to read my ebooks on it. 

It's seriously so convenient!! No hassle, just anytime, anywhere you like. Can have as much books as you like, no weight~ (just make sure that you have enough battery)

Though, I still prefer the feeling of reading a real book. JUST. DON'T WANT TO SPEND MONEY. T.T

AND. Very finally, I have got to finish a book that I have been dying to read ever since the movie came out that time. Have been stopping myself to watch the movie, afraid that it might be some kind of spoiler when I get to read the book. 

I wouldn't say the book is awesome or over the moon, but like every book, there's definitely one part that is a bit dry but if not there won't be any climax and such I guess. Overall loved the feelings author tried to bring out.  All very deep and emotional. 

Wondered if I would be that lucky to find that soulmate like Holly, and even if I did, would I have the privilege to be the selfish one and die first. :/ Thinking too much I guess. 

I don't even have a date :x #FOREVERALONE. 

PS: Let's see if I can sustain to carry on this reading habit and be good enough for myself to get a kindle touch :x TEEHEE. Thinking of the impossible again HAHA.

Moving on to my next book :D

100 posts. Hoseybo!!

Pop some party poppers for me, everyone! 

100 POSTS!!

Not kind of a big deal actually, since I am not some big shots with ten thousands over page views and going to do a give away, needing some attention or something. To let people feel joyous for them as well for them. 

But I guess what makes me really want to highlight this stage of this blog is how much it has gone through already. Since, this blog has already been 1 and a 1/2 years old. (Ever since I have decided to move away from shame-island, kinda embarrassed at the way I used to blog and also sick that I have to use html just to make a new blog skin. Okay. Doesn't matter :x) 

It's kinda funny that how much I have come by  all these while. From me being in the middle of my year one, till now, whist I am in my final year. This blog has considered to have gone through the thick and thin through my poly years, I would not say that I have gone through as much as I had as compared to my secondary school years, but I won't consider that I had a more smooth-sailing time with this blog. 

Through this while, I have got new friends, lost old friends, be it I have got to see their true colours or be it if they have decided to move on without me. (it's part and parcel of life, just need some getting use like always) 

In this bunch, I have met very nice people, giving me encouragements, helping me grow, making me change into for the good or maybe for the bad. Through the year, I got new aspirations, new targets. I started doing new things that I have never will do in the past, the list just goes on and on; from working, to mopping even to me wanting FINALLY to lose some serious weight. All I can say is I'm glad at the very least, I can have something I can look back on. 

I am thankful despite my laziness, I am still leaving marks of my life time after time. 

For like what I have said, this blog isn't first made for anyone, but rather, or myself. To see how much I have grew and change as time passed. 

Thinking 'bout you, thinking 'bout me.

Open my eyes. It was only just a dream.

转角。

你们喜欢转角吗？

有些人很爱，因为转角就好想一种新的开始，一个转换。

还是，像我一样讨厌，甚至害怕转角呢？害怕它会带来的转变，带来的挑战。

可是现在的我，就好像坐上了一台不能停下的车子，只能无奈的等到转角的来临。默默的担心，默默的带着恐惧面对这看来可怕的改变。

是该长大了。生活过太爽了，是该把皮绷紧了。

Answering the RJ to my own life.

Use three words to describe your life recently?

Awesome.

Useless. 

Nolgastic.

Yes, that's the three words. 

Today was awesome, I got home early and finally got my long desired swim :) 

It's seriously high time that I do out some serious work out, from the way I am eating, I think the fats would soon find its way back to my body. AND SADLY, EVEN THE WEIGHING MACHINE SAYS SO. :(

So I confirm chop, die die must do something already before it really have chance to rebound!! :|

Recently, I kind of feel a bit useless, especially after the start of the new sem. 

With all the heavy curriculum and all sorts of theory coming down, I don't even know if my textbook is seriously written in English or not. (of course, just that I don't understand them) 

Of course, things doesn't get any better since my class is jam packed with EXCEPTIONALLY SMART ASS PEOPLE. GOD FUCKING SAVE ME!!. :(((((((( 

WHY DO THIS TO ME!!!!!!!!!

All these negative feelings has also made me feel super duper nolgastic and craving the past. 

Especially, having the chance to take a long good look at cchy. It used to be somewhere where I would dread to go every morning, where all the "monstrous" teachers would be waiting there to throw a whole load of homework at you. But jokingly, now that is one of the place that I would do anything just to get back such experience. 

Or maybe, I just miss the times when things are much simpler, people are much kinder, studies isn't that chimology. 

Humans. Contradicting as ever.