A deserved day of break

It has been long since I have logged in to write a post. 

It seemed not long ago when blogging was still a weekly routine I would do to either rant my emotions or simply just to log down things I wouldn't want to forget in my life. 

Now it seemed like I am just wrecking my head just so I can write something proper. 

Maybe it's due to the change of lifestyle, different commitments. Different everything. 

I lost some things, I gained some. I learnt some, I forget some. 

Though some things seemed to never change, those hidden wounds, memories. The pain will always be there. Like how stars would always be there even though you don't always see it. 

At some point of time, I really thought I changed. Be it for the better or for the worst, stronger or weaker, because I know I am changing to what I need to be as of this moment to survive. Yup. You heard right. SURVIVE. So much for grand wishes at the end of the year, every year. 

Now, even surviving seemed such a big word to achieve. 

To a great 2015, I say to myself. 

Till the next break I give to myself, be safe my lil' blog. 

As usual, I don't think  I make any sense, but if there's anyone reading.
Thank you, may the force be with you young one.

I thought I could.

 What's the use of believing I could when the truth is obviously telling me that I can't. People take uni. I take uni. People work, I work. People pass, I fail. 

I thought I changed for the better, I thought I did, but I got proved wrong. 

I had a good life, now, I just hoped for an ordinary life, a peaceful life. It doesn't have to be fantastic. Just leave the drama out. 

I thought I could handle it.

By caring lesser, by not giving a shit, by not expressing any emotions. 

I thought I could handle it. I really thought I could, but what's the use of staying positive when I'm already on my ends' meet just trying to make everyday work. 

It looks like I'm having a high life full of materialistic wants and shit, but little do they know what I will give all that just to be happy again.

I'm tired of smiling, I'm tired of staying positive. What's the point of staying positive when I die a little inside every time I tell myself "nothing worth it comes easy." What's the point of keeping the faith when there's no longer anything to fight for. 

Those positive quotes on tumblr don't work on me no more. 

I'm tired.

The worst part, I have never felt so alone before. 

Everyone wants a piece of me, about what's going on but just how many truly care because they truly care. 

How many of them who truly cared don't have enough on their plate?

Food for Thought.

Company recently added a new fish tank near the place I am sitting, as beautiful as it looks with all the tiny little fishes swimming here and there. It is so therapeutic to just stare at it and after hours of hammering the laptop pumping and generating work.

While feeding the fishes and looking at them all eagerly swimming to snatch for food, it suddenly struck me that fishes are also living things, an animal who have their own train of thoughts and feelings just like me and you.

Are we too insensitive to always make an aquarium out of them because they look nice like that?

Putting back into context of humans, I would never be wanted to be placed into somewhere without me knowing, confined into a small area, dealing with people that I am forced to deal with, 24 hours, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Goodness.  At least us humans have a home, to run away from everything. Well, at least for me. 

Count your blessings, people.

Hwaiting, fishies! You are already stronger than I think I would ever be.

I don’t think I make any sense, but I just felt like writing this out. LOL. 

Just clearing some spider cobs.

It has been long since I have wrote an update.
Life has been busy… Mentally and physically. Work, school and long fights.

Whitney Houston’s “I have nothing” seemed to be one song that would pretty much explain my feelings. Hmmm.

So much for negativities! 

It has been so much the reason why I hasn’t been writing much, apart for the fact that I will most probably want to spend time to either talk on the phone and just go to bed instead of writing, since university’s writing seemed to have hit my quota. LOL. Not forgetting the admin job I am holding.

I don’t even think anything I am writing makes any grammatical sense.
Taking in mind the post-effects of sleeping less than 6 hours every day for this entire week with school.

School and work has been great even though it has been and is the only cause I am heavily lacking sleep, but it has got me into a regime at the very least, but it’s all still hard to say as work is still taking it’s honeymoon on me and I have just ended the gene module. Things are still considered to be less stressful as compared. Exams are still seemingly faraway, while work is still relaxing thanks to the fact that there’s still my partner in the very least. (who is leaving by this week.) Then after which is all by my ownnnnnnnnnnn. DON’T WANT TO BE ALL BY MY OWNNNNNNNNNN.

Thinking on the bright side, this job has helped opened me to a lot of things, realizing how fortunate I have been and I should just be contented of what I am having now. If I were to have been accepted by any of the labs instead of this job, it’s confirm chop more and more failing modules coming my way.

Oh, not forgetting the great facilities I am entitled of after having a job. DAEEEEEBAKKKKKK. (Y)

Just praying hard that this mojo magical balance will last me through and modules will pass pass pass their way through.
GENE2230 that applies to you as well.  Do well. Do me proud, I have studied the hardest I have could although hard work do not always equate to good results, PLEASE, LET ME PASS. GUAN YIN MA BOBI.

新工作第二天的感想；

半工半读不简单。

撑着吧！

别人可以，我也可以。*自我催眠中*

累，累，累。

钱，钱，钱。 

ಥ_ಥ

家长。

变态的两天内追完了湖南卫视的《爸爸去哪？》

看着那些爸爸怎么的被那些孩子们搞得六神无主，把屎把尿的的照顾和守护着他们，真让我有些感触。

想起了当年父母亲也是那么样的把屎把尿的，守护着，陪伴着我长大。

只是随着岁月，开始独立了，长大了，以前常常表达的爱慢慢少了，父母对孩子的期望越来越多了，随着也多了责任，压力和争吵。

那种无微不至呵护的画面也慢慢的在脑海里模糊了。

内心天真无邪的那个小女孩也慢慢的躲的在心里越来越深的地方去。

虽然已经知道找不回这种感觉了，就算能也不知道要怎么去找回这种感觉，但是我真的很想在有这种感觉。

这种虚伪，不实际的幸福感。

我做梦去吧。

胖子。

这几天的心情就是时如上面的图所在表达的吧。

不知道是因为考试放纵了太久得；暴饮暴食，没上健身房的因素。

最近自己觉得自己又长肉了，可怕的不是一点。是真的肥啦!

最近自己没勇气磅啦，不过脸下那双下巴，看了不承认也难。

不是在怨为什么自己又胖了，而是气自己为什么又应许自己胖了。

不管多无奈，只能看着漂亮的衣服自己都床不下，嘴巴和身体是自己的，应许自己长肉的人也是自己，所以后果自负。

真的是一百个，一千个的无奈啊～ *叹气*

I need my discipline and regime back. ◡ ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ ┻━┻ 

加油，Shermaine. 

恋爱对我来说本来是个伟大和完美的事。
就像突然身边就有个依靠，一个比朋友还要关心你的人。

可是，看着你一谈恋爱就那么的轰轰烈烈，惊天动地的。
真的顿时让我觉得谈恋爱好可怕。
爱情真的可以改变一个人，改变他的思想，他的逻辑，他的观念。
随着这些改变，可以六亲不认，可以破釜沉舟。

这样看来，我这个老尼姑因该好好收起我想要恋爱的心。
专心念经，孝顺父母吧。

PS: 不知道如果有一天如果真的谈起恋爱来又是怎么样的呢？

Tokyo Banana 🍌

Finally got to try the highly raved Tokyo banana! 😱🙆🙆🙆😱

How can any girl not fall for the packaging!?! 🙊🙈🙉 HAHAHA. 

To be honest, for the price I'm paying it for, I seriously don't feel that these bananas are really worth the hype. Oh well. Take it as an experience, they are really too cute to resist!! 🙈

Om nom nom nom. 😝😍😉

PS: it's really quite amusing and entertaining to see girly girls react to cute desserts. #achievementunlocked 

最近皮肤真的干的好像要裂开似的。

皮肤也时不时的敏感，发痒什么的。

有一点像考试时，平时不烧香，临时抱佛脚的心态。一次过的做保湿，猛喝水呀，擦极润汝，什么的。

有时候真的在想为什么是女人呀～

永远都有做不完的保养。

越来越老的时候才真的发现单敷面膜是不够的。

美真的是有代价的。(´･_･`)

Just another post.

It has been long ever since I have written a post, so long that I think I no longer have a habit to write my feelings out.

Maybe it's cause that so much things have happened around me that it's already beyond language abilities to rant them out in words.

Speaking and music seemed to do a better job nowadays.

Hopefully everything would settle down soon, and I won't be so lost the next time I feel like writing a post.