Failure in life.

Fail in doing well in school, fail in having a status, fail in chasing my dreams, fail in not trying to continue trying to chase my dreams, fail in protecting my friends, fail in being a good friend, fail for being not good enough, fail in letting others see that I am better than you think I am.

All in all, I am just a failure.

A failure that no one sees.

I seriously am losing more and more confidence in myself then never before.

Gosh, I need my life back.

Rough patch. Pffftt.

As much as I want to move on with life and not whine like a spoiled Singaporean kid.

I seriously need a way to whine out all that I can. Not through keeping it any longer or talk it out with my dear ones. I have never seriously felt life to be so demoralising.

Having to be nagged and scolded every single day, having to be misunderstood by people you once cared about and worst of all, have no where to vent. Life never seemed to be so lifeless. Having to live normally seemed like a chore.

As much as I wished to cry it all out and sleep to my heart's content and wake up to that cheerful me, this all seems to be a luxurious privilege too good to be fulfilled.

For I could face much more, if I just heck cared about the world and lived in my own lalaland.

The only thing I can do is sallow everything back down and stayed strong.

I am really surprised how one could act under the change of situation.

I am really tired. How I wished that everything could just stop and return to normal.

Give me my life back. I am really tired. Really tired.

I am thankful for those who cared, and understood. I am sorry I can't reciprocate what you have done back. Sorry for being so stressed up and bullshity, deep down I have appreciate what you done, your efforts to cheer me up. Going that extra mile to understand the situation I am in.

Trying to make me happy through every means I can afford. If it wasn't for you guys, I think I would have collapsed.

Thanks for being that tinge of honey, when everything is bitter and sourish. Thank you.

Thankful for the creator of blogs, ranting out unconditional really works.

As much as I hope to stay at this state of tiny happiness, it's time I go back to reality.

Where life have to go on, Mom's still going to come back at the same time, my RJ's still gonna close its submission at 1159.

镜子之道。

在很多时候，人往往会投诉说为什么这个人会这样，这样，这样。

会那样，那样，那样。

不过，有没有回头想一想，看一看为什么会如此呢？

如果换成是自己，你会怎么做呢？

做的会比那个人还好吗？还是会和她做出相同的举止。

处理的方法有没有可能比她还要来得更糟糕。

我们人啊，就是太会抱怨了。有时，在抱怨的过程会忽略了很多。

伤害到的也可能很深，很深。

我常常把责任推在你身上，想一想难道我就没错吗？

可是，我该怎么去救，怎么去弥补？

"人生就想一片镜子，若要看见一个美丽的反映，自己也要对镜子先秀出灿烂的笑容。”

－张爵西

可是偏偏就是对你没有效。:／

PS: 不过，我还是相信只要真心对待，不管谁都会被打动。

人真的感觉的到谁是对谁好的。

I really thank the Gods and Angels up above that had sent you guys to me.

如果没有你们，我可能就没有那么大的福气了。

True colours.

Everyone wants to know everyone's true colours.

But just no one wants to really accept it when they see it.

So what's the point of showing when?

Truth is always vulnerable, reality is cruel.

Protect your mask well.

Confession of a fangirl.

Till now I still remembered exactly how I when all so crazy about you.

Of all the idols I idolised when I am young, you are one of those that made me find my passion.

There is nothing I can say, but just a simple thank you.

This is my confession, a super long one.

I remembered it all started with the drama, Man of the house.

It's just so crazy why I would notice you one good day, in the midst of a phone call with my friend.

Noticing that you just have that aura that just attracts me.

It might sound crazy, but ever after since, I went around the internet to find out more information of you; Your name, your age. More pictures of you. Just anything that would let me know more about you.

*I was so crazy that my whole class knew who are you. *

But maybe you are just not that famous yet at that time or that active online, there isn't much I could get. I had to sit in front of the TV everyday just so I can get screenshots of you from the show.

It was only then that, I start to learn more of those media shit ass things such as photoshopping, video editing and things like that. Just so that I can get more variations from the limited pictures I have of you from the drama. Nothing else.

I dreamt of you from night to night, being my chinese teacher, my grandma's friend, having to come over my house for hari raya (?) But I guess it all boils down to a fan trying and thinking too much of meething her idol.

Though stalker much that I can't believed all these happened to me.

It was a happy process, but it sort of wear off after I have grew up, because there seriously, isn't much news of you ever since Man of the house. It was until your hand in mine. I am surprised that you appeared again. But maybe I have grown up, got busy. It wasn't that crazy anymore.

It was only much much later, that I got to know that, you are actually looking for me on facebook. Because you have seen the crazy pictures I have done for you in the past. Something that I never ever dreamt of. NEVER!

I got to know you from facebook ever since after that, got to know more about you. Got to know more about your life. Got to talk to you like I am your friend. Sending messages, long messages to one another. You commenting on my profile, telling me to take care when you knew I was sick, I really thought I am your friend. Caring for you, thinking about you again.

But I guess, it all boils down to because, you are my idol and you are somebody.

Like what HL said, we wouldn't care much if you were a nobody on the streets.

Besides, there are many more others that care about you and it is only basic courtesy that you return that care to them. 是我自作多情了。

Or maybe I am just not ready to wake up from this dream. Since all these are seriously, too good to be true.

PS: After vomitting all these out. I feel that I still care about her. Its best that I go back to square one and treat her like before, as an idol. Because she inspires me, if not for this crazy part of my life, there won't be the Shermaine today.

Yet, be a friend as a friend, because I can't deny that I still care. Caring about you at the back of my mind unconsciously.

Hope I would find that perfect balance between both.