I'm just that zombie.

I don't know why I would break down today. At this moment.

Maybe my inner self is surpressing all this a little too long and a little too hard.

And maybe I just don't want my sister to go through the same path as I did.

Even though it will be a little unfair for me then.

能救一个是一个。

Maybe, also, I am just sick and tired of being a zombie, going to school everyday without a fucking aim. Just going to school, for the grades, for the expectations. It's tiring.

This is not the life, I wanted, I wanted my kind of life to be exciting.

I want to live with burning passion, to do what I love, what I am good at.

But what can I do?

This night had proven everything.

Struggling and breaking down would just show to others how weak you are inside.

At the end of the day, even how much I struggle, nothing will change. Nothing.

After tonight, I will still be a Republic poly student, taking a diploma in Biomedical sciences.

With a fucking GPA that me and my parents are not satisfied with.

Best solution is just to continue to be that freaking zombie that empty vessel and pretend nothing happen. I am still happy and contented with every day. There's nothing wrong with me.

There's nothing wrong with me.

At least that the least I can do. For now.

That's all I can say.

Working life sucks.

Had been working for 7 or so days straight even since Mom had fell sick.

Best thing is that she keeps using that now ever since even though she's already recovering well and good-.- *can nag & scream at me somemore*

*You're the reason that I never want to start, cause I know it will never end.*

Muscle aches, moodswings and lack of sleep are all coming back to taunt me again.

I don't want a holiday like that!

Return my carefree holiday back to me!!!!!

I want my days of soaking at home, just watching drama, animes and doing just the things that I like!

ARGHHHHHHHH :(

Kays, shall not blog much more, time for bed.

Gonna wake up early for WORK again. *gosh! face slam!*

PS: Have been addicted to photoshopping my pictures recently. Even when I am so tired already after work :/ Addiction of a crazy media kid. LOL.

Inspirational pumps.

Inspirations.

Everybody needs it once in a blue moon to keep things going no matter how successful you may be now.

Source of inspirations can come from anywhere. People that you know, people that you don't know in reality, even people that might have already passed away but for the in one thing or another, the things they did, the things they might have said might inspired you one way or another and made your thinking changed and see things from a different way.

For me, I have many people that inspire me. All for the different reasons. The things they do. Like the one that I think that have inspired me a way or another.

He is just a usual man, but with a successful career with a kind heart and a positive attitude. It was his positive attitude in learning even though he is already 55 in age that had inspired.

He thinks that there is no limit to learning, be it young or old. It all comes within the mind.Whether you are willing to take that strike. Whether you are willing to try and go through that extra mile. Something I think many people would not tell themselves when met with something difficult. Like me and my dearest biology.

Always thinking of excuses to cover my own butt. Tsk.

There are also some celebrities out there that really inspires me.

Like Justin Bieber and JJ lin.

Both of them had basically came from nothing. A nobody.

And because of their constant hardwork, they became somebody.

And even though through their ups and down, they never give up and continue chasing their dreams, be it for Justin Bieber's puberty that caused him to be unable to sing like used to. Or JJ lin, who overused him voice and lost his voice, and unable to talk for 100days.

They never give up. Persisted on. Something that I think I would not be able if I were in their shoes, with that much of external influences and pressure.

And dreams, opportunities can be anywhere. It not necessary had to be given by others.

机会是要靠双手去争取的。

Something I really hope I can learn and adapt.

One last person that I think had not say inspire me, but let me find my passion and area of interest, making me feel I am also not that useless would be,

As mentioned from my previous posts, if wasn't for her, I think I won't be who I am now.

So thank you.

Inspirations are everywhere. It's whether what they say, do or make takes your breath or have changed the way you think. There are still many others out there that really insipred me, and had encouraged me and made me who I am today. But if I were to list out one, it would be never ending.

真心相对的个答案。

Trust.
Either you believe in it, have faith in it, or let yourself die of suffocation from the pressuring of your precious mind.

反反复复的兜兜转转，最后还是回到了原点。选择了信任。

听了听心里真正的答案。

谢谢你点醒了我，赶走了乌云。找到我要的那个答案。

我不会后悔，只会享受每一个和你的时刻，铭记每一个和你的点滴。

Thank you for being there for me, and remembering 我这个渺小的小人物。

Confession of a fangirl.

Till now I still remembered exactly how I when all so crazy about you.

Of all the idols I idolised when I am young, you are one of those that made me find my passion.

There is nothing I can say, but just a simple thank you.

This is my confession, a super long one.

I remembered it all started with the drama, Man of the house.

It's just so crazy why I would notice you one good day, in the midst of a phone call with my friend.

Noticing that you just have that aura that just attracts me.

It might sound crazy, but ever after since, I went around the internet to find out more information of you; Your name, your age. More pictures of you. Just anything that would let me know more about you.

*I was so crazy that my whole class knew who are you. *

But maybe you are just not that famous yet at that time or that active online, there isn't much I could get. I had to sit in front of the TV everyday just so I can get screenshots of you from the show.

It was only then that, I start to learn more of those media shit ass things such as photoshopping, video editing and things like that. Just so that I can get more variations from the limited pictures I have of you from the drama. Nothing else.

I dreamt of you from night to night, being my chinese teacher, my grandma's friend, having to come over my house for hari raya (?) But I guess it all boils down to a fan trying and thinking too much of meething her idol.

Though stalker much that I can't believed all these happened to me.

It was a happy process, but it sort of wear off after I have grew up, because there seriously, isn't much news of you ever since Man of the house. It was until your hand in mine. I am surprised that you appeared again. But maybe I have grown up, got busy. It wasn't that crazy anymore.

It was only much much later, that I got to know that, you are actually looking for me on facebook. Because you have seen the crazy pictures I have done for you in the past. Something that I never ever dreamt of. NEVER!

I got to know you from facebook ever since after that, got to know more about you. Got to know more about your life. Got to talk to you like I am your friend. Sending messages, long messages to one another. You commenting on my profile, telling me to take care when you knew I was sick, I really thought I am your friend. Caring for you, thinking about you again.

But I guess, it all boils down to because, you are my idol and you are somebody.

Like what HL said, we wouldn't care much if you were a nobody on the streets.

Besides, there are many more others that care about you and it is only basic courtesy that you return that care to them. 是我自作多情了。

Or maybe I am just not ready to wake up from this dream. Since all these are seriously, too good to be true.

PS: After vomitting all these out. I feel that I still care about her. Its best that I go back to square one and treat her like before, as an idol. Because she inspires me, if not for this crazy part of my life, there won't be the Shermaine today.

Yet, be a friend as a friend, because I can't deny that I still care. Caring about you at the back of my mind unconsciously.

Hope I would find that perfect balance between both.