Confession of a fangirl.

Till now I still remembered exactly how I when all so crazy about you.

Of all the idols I idolised when I am young, you are one of those that made me find my passion.

There is nothing I can say, but just a simple thank you.

This is my confession, a super long one.

I remembered it all started with the drama, Man of the house.

It's just so crazy why I would notice you one good day, in the midst of a phone call with my friend.

Noticing that you just have that aura that just attracts me.

It might sound crazy, but ever after since, I went around the internet to find out more information of you; Your name, your age. More pictures of you. Just anything that would let me know more about you.

*I was so crazy that my whole class knew who are you. *

But maybe you are just not that famous yet at that time or that active online, there isn't much I could get. I had to sit in front of the TV everyday just so I can get screenshots of you from the show.

It was only then that, I start to learn more of those media shit ass things such as photoshopping, video editing and things like that. Just so that I can get more variations from the limited pictures I have of you from the drama. Nothing else.

I dreamt of you from night to night, being my chinese teacher, my grandma's friend, having to come over my house for hari raya (?) But I guess it all boils down to a fan trying and thinking too much of meething her idol.

Though stalker much that I can't believed all these happened to me.

It was a happy process, but it sort of wear off after I have grew up, because there seriously, isn't much news of you ever since Man of the house. It was until your hand in mine. I am surprised that you appeared again. But maybe I have grown up, got busy. It wasn't that crazy anymore.

It was only much much later, that I got to know that, you are actually looking for me on facebook. Because you have seen the crazy pictures I have done for you in the past. Something that I never ever dreamt of. NEVER!

I got to know you from facebook ever since after that, got to know more about you. Got to know more about your life. Got to talk to you like I am your friend. Sending messages, long messages to one another. You commenting on my profile, telling me to take care when you knew I was sick, I really thought I am your friend. Caring for you, thinking about you again.

But I guess, it all boils down to because, you are my idol and you are somebody.

Like what HL said, we wouldn't care much if you were a nobody on the streets.

Besides, there are many more others that care about you and it is only basic courtesy that you return that care to them. 是我自作多情了。

Or maybe I am just not ready to wake up from this dream. Since all these are seriously, too good to be true.

PS: After vomitting all these out. I feel that I still care about her. Its best that I go back to square one and treat her like before, as an idol. Because she inspires me, if not for this crazy part of my life, there won't be the Shermaine today.

Yet, be a friend as a friend, because I can't deny that I still care. Caring about you at the back of my mind unconsciously.

Hope I would find that perfect balance between both.