Surprised to see me? I am myself.
Life, have been pretty great since I quitted UWA. I got to travel a lot more since then.
Then I decide to start studying again.
It's been three months since I embarked on my new pursuit with the business degree and since then life sucks. Like literally. Sucks.
Tons and tons of assignments, citations, loads of quiz, loads of lectures...
Three months down, I have already messed up with my sleep cycle, but then again, being so sleep deprived so that I can finish my assignments, I can basically sleep everywhere.
That's unless your mom decides to try her best to wake you up for dinner even though you're deep asleep and have been trying to stay asleep for about 30 mins through just because she bought dinner that cannot be eaten tomorrow as breakfast. DAYUMMMMM.
Well, so here I am writing this post. Trying to feel sleepy again.
I have got to learn a lot more outside the box, considering being in the science faculty for this long already. Being in business really pushed me out of the box.
Having so many more outspoken people around me, having people dress up constantly and having to write long paragraphs of work. It's really a culture shock.
Well at least now I got to learn that writing is something that needs constant practice.
I have been writing so much recently that now writing a post seemed like a piece of cake.
But then again, applying back to the uni context, better read more before I get marked down for anymore "forum-like" languages.
For now, feels so good to not have to give two cent of what I am writing. I don't have to care the credibility of what I am writing and I don't have to citate any shit. FUCK THAT SHIT. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
I am going to do some quiz, writing is instead making me more energetic for no apparent reason.
I am so annoyed now, gonna be so screwed tomorrow. Confirm plus chop.
Many see a new beginning as a new start, but I can't help it to see it more like a death sentence.
That feeling alone, is sufficient to show what I'm feeling.
Just leave me alone since I'm already doing what you want me to do. Stop it with the razor sharp remarks.
It's not like I don't know how fucked up I'm? I should be the clearest one myself.
Financial incapable, academic incapable, don't even know what do with my life. Only know how play SIMS 4, stay fat and drama all day long when people around me all graduating, running their own business and earning big bucks.
I'm not blaming you for anything because I fucked up. Not you, you have your job, your car, your nice figure and your beautiful hair.
Alright fuck my writing proficiency, fuck everything. 🖕🏻 (I still write like some sec school ah lian.)
I don't even know how to go on with this. Fuck everything, seriously.
It has been long since I have logged in to write a post.
It seemed not long ago when blogging was still a weekly routine I would do to either rant my emotions or simply just to log down things I wouldn't want to forget in my life.
Now it seemed like I am just wrecking my head just so I can write something proper.
Maybe it's due to the change of lifestyle, different commitments. Different everything.
I lost some things, I gained some. I learnt some, I forget some.
Though some things seemed to never change, those hidden wounds, memories. The pain will always be there. Like how stars would always be there even though you don't always see it.
At some point of time, I really thought I changed. Be it for the better or for the worst, stronger or weaker, because I know I am changing to what I need to be as of this moment to survive. Yup. You heard right. SURVIVE. So much for grand wishes at the end of the year, every year.
Now, even surviving seemed such a big word to achieve.
To a great 2015, I say to myself.
Till the next break I give to myself, be safe my lil' blog.
As usual, I don't think I make any sense, but if there's anyone reading.
Thank you, may the force be with you young one.
What's the use of believing I could when the truth is obviously telling me that I can't. People take uni. I take uni. People work, I work. People pass, I fail.
I thought I changed for the better, I thought I did, but I got proved wrong.
I had a good life, now, I just hoped for an ordinary life, a peaceful life. It doesn't have to be fantastic. Just leave the drama out.
I thought I could handle it.
By caring lesser, by not giving a shit, by not expressing any emotions.
I thought I could handle it. I really thought I could, but what's the use of staying positive when I'm already on my ends' meet just trying to make everyday work.
It looks like I'm having a high life full of materialistic wants and shit, but little do they know what I will give all that just to be happy again.
I'm tired of smiling, I'm tired of staying positive. What's the point of staying positive when I die a little inside every time I tell myself "nothing worth it comes easy." What's the point of keeping the faith when there's no longer anything to fight for.
Those positive quotes on tumblr don't work on me no more.
The worst part, I have never felt so alone before.
Everyone wants a piece of me, about what's going on but just how many truly care because they truly care.
How many of them who truly cared don't have enough on their plate?
recently added a new fish tank near the place I am sitting, as beautiful as it
looks with all the tiny little fishes swimming here and there. It is so therapeutic
to just stare at it and after hours of hammering the laptop pumping and
feeding the fishes and looking at them all eagerly swimming to snatch for food,
it suddenly struck me that fishes are also living things, an animal who have
their own train of thoughts and feelings just like me and you.
too insensitive to always make an aquarium out of them because they look nice
back into context of humans, I would never be wanted to be placed into somewhere
without me knowing, confined into a small area, dealing with people that I am
forced to deal with, 24 hours, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Goodness. At least us humans have a home, to run away
from everything. Well, at least for me.
your blessings, people.
fishies! You are already stronger than I think I would ever be.
think I make any sense, but I just felt like writing this out. LOL.