Rotten strawberry.

People often categorise the weak and people as strawberries.

Strawberry, although a pretty fruit. Is often need to be taken care frequently to ensure that they are away from all kinds of danger. For all you know the slightest touch will puncture them.

I have never found myself strong as compared to a lot of people I know and often admit that I am even spoilt to certain extent with maid and all that shit that most modern Singaporean kids are also fortunate to have.

However, I also never agreed that I was that weak to withstand the slightest touch of pressure, but judging and thinking back. I feel I am not even worth to be nicknamed as a strawberry.

If strawberries should represent the weak, I should be a super rotten strawberry.

For I am so rotten that I will even collapse with the slightest movement of air. For all that I have left is a hollow structure. Nothing else.

No dreams, no hope, not even encouragement that would make me all these is worth it.

I am tired of all these shit. Trying to look strong, trying to be happy, trying to make my parents proud. I am just tired.

I just am not cut for it.
My shitty results just explains it.
I am running out of steam, a steam that was made on the basis of nothing.

If only is the only thing I can ask myself. If only. I hadn't listened to you. If only I hadn't had that ego to make you proud. If only I decided to go with how I feel. If only...

Will everything be different? Will I be a happier person? Will I be better at doing what I loved? Will I?

Art is abstract is all I can use to console myself with hidden tears at night.

For I have already stuck in this commitment I have decided to give 3 years back.