I'm not kidding.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED THAT THIS IS A POST OF LONG NONSENSICAL RANTING.

How time can change one person's perceptive.

In the morning, I psycho-ed myself to never let food, be my source of comfort again. Never. I want my new life, my new self and I am going to get it no matter by hook or by crook.

But now, I just wish I can gorge myself with the food I love, because you know what? No one cares!!
I'm telling you. No one cares. It's said that, yea, my friends and family supports me, restricting me what I should eat and shouldn't eat. But guess what? When it's time to work out, they all pull out from it.

"I am tired." "I needa get this done by tonight." "I just ate, sorry."

All these excuses from time to time, given and shoved straight to my face.
But what can I do? Make a big fuss?

And when I do get my workout, I am being pinpointed at. "Your method won't work." "You're not doing it right." "You can go faster." "I did better that time, so you can too."

You know what? _|_
What's your ever highest weight huh and what's mine? Want to compare?

Every weight adds an extra effort I have to take to move my freaking body.
Why not you walk in my shoes huh? Add the weight on your body and see how it feels like?
See if you can "DO IT BETTER".

It's funny how a side of me understands that you are tired, you don't need this workout, you are just entertaining me, accompanying me so that it makes me happy, because you know that's what I want to do and this is what I want to do, it's none of your business, I shouldn't blame you. I should be laughing to myself you're trying your very best to workout together with me and that I shouldn't give up because its for my own good.

In this journey, I have conquered many temptations, having people eating things that I can't eat and having to eat alone, because I care. Having to tolerate with the pain that is so pain that I have to limb while walking. I have become so much stronger on the way.

But another side of me is just sick and tired, be it your excuses, the temptation, the aches I have to get everyday. It's crazy. Then again, maybe that is you, what can I do? You have the power to make the whole house be working out with you. But I can't.

So why am I trying so hard, when no one cares? NO ONE CARES. I am running out of motivation myself. So what I am 19, still wearing clothes like I have no motherfucking fashion sense. So what if I get fatter and fatter till the whole world shuns me, and I die with some freaking complications from some small disease.

JUST FORGET IT. FORGET IT.

It's the holidays!! :D

燥了好久，久等，该死的暑假来了!! ヽ(´▽｀；)/♪

Though it's not really considered to be anything major or long, more like a study break in disguise coming to think that UT2 would be soon haunting me after the holidays end, but I'm kinda enjoying it. d(-_^)

Watching dramas after dramas, animes after animes, it's kinda SHIOKKKK~ 

Not to mention, outing after outing. I feel like a caged animal finally let out of my damn cage! ヽ(●-`Д´-)ノ

Time really passes so fast. I have to say, even though I hate to admit it. 

It seems like I have just came back from Bangkok not long ago, being in the freshman in my second semester. 

Now, I am on my year2, 5weeks more before the whole semester comes to an end, with my 2012's trip coming in a month's time.

*Saying about that it's 5 more days to X'mas. Guess what? No mood. （－－）*

I think at this rate, I would soon become an old hag. 

真的是岁月如流沙，想要抓也抓不抓住。(>_<)

Saying about time, it;s already about 2-3 weeks since I have started dieting and workout. 

Can't imagine that I have finally made the decision to make that change. 

Starting to eat well, stop eating that much or as frequent as I used to. Controlling the kind of food I eat, the time I restrict myself from eating. 

Forcing myself to do at least some form of exercise before the day end.
 (even though I haven't done today's, shall do sit-ups before I go to bed)

My gymming buddieeeeeeeeeeee!! (ノ≧┏Д┓≦)ノ

*Like I said music has never let me down. Be it destress, emotional breakdowns, sleep, even working out!!!*

But still not feeling or seeing any results yet. Somehow, it's really quite demoralising.
Ever since then, I fear to stand on the weighing machine, really fear that after I stand on it, knowing that I haven't even losing an ounce even after the hunger and such.
I would lose all forms of strength and determination.I am really scared.

But I cannot give up. 死都不可以。ヽ(ｏ`皿′ｏ)ﾉ

For me, or for the people who support me and care for me. 

The aches that I have suffered every time I worked out, the hunger and cravings I have suppressed. 

我会加油的。(￣^￣)

I will make it to the end, with a healthier and slimmer me! 

ー(￣～￣)ξ NEW YEAR RESOLUTION FOR 2012!!