Fate.

I'm never a strong believer of fate,
always believed that I can never just succumb just like that to fate without even trying can I?

But, sometimes, you really can't ignore it, it will just come to your face.
For it is indeed fate has decided many things for me, where I am now, what I am now, theI get to meet many people, interact with them, learn things from, get to grow up. Face changes in life. Grow stronger.

Not forgetting that it is BECAUSE of fate that I get to know awesome and people dear to me.

Fate might play with your perception as is also via fate, that I get to see the true colours of many time after time. Like the saying people often say in chinese;

路摇知马力，日久见人心。
这句话，我终于也明白，了解了不多。

人心险恶，我又知道多少，知面，知人不知心。

Fate plays with your life at the weirdest places you can think of, even on things as simple as shoes. MY VANS T.T
(having to whine for it for 1year, I am still left with nothing!! :(((( )

Be it good or bad, fate plays with you and sticks to you like superglue, you can choose to not believe it.
But it will prank on you at the strangest time to catch you off your guard. Driving me to the pillar.

Why can't fate give me simpler people in life? Or maybe it's not so much about fate, it is so much of my overworking brain. WHATEVER.

#HOWIFEEL

I'm not kidding.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED THAT THIS IS A POST OF LONG NONSENSICAL RANTING.

How time can change one person's perceptive.

In the morning, I psycho-ed myself to never let food, be my source of comfort again. Never. I want my new life, my new self and I am going to get it no matter by hook or by crook.

But now, I just wish I can gorge myself with the food I love, because you know what? No one cares!!
I'm telling you. No one cares. It's said that, yea, my friends and family supports me, restricting me what I should eat and shouldn't eat. But guess what? When it's time to work out, they all pull out from it.

"I am tired." "I needa get this done by tonight." "I just ate, sorry."

All these excuses from time to time, given and shoved straight to my face.
But what can I do? Make a big fuss?

And when I do get my workout, I am being pinpointed at. "Your method won't work." "You're not doing it right." "You can go faster." "I did better that time, so you can too."

You know what? _|_
What's your ever highest weight huh and what's mine? Want to compare?

Every weight adds an extra effort I have to take to move my freaking body.
Why not you walk in my shoes huh? Add the weight on your body and see how it feels like?
See if you can "DO IT BETTER".

It's funny how a side of me understands that you are tired, you don't need this workout, you are just entertaining me, accompanying me so that it makes me happy, because you know that's what I want to do and this is what I want to do, it's none of your business, I shouldn't blame you. I should be laughing to myself you're trying your very best to workout together with me and that I shouldn't give up because its for my own good.

In this journey, I have conquered many temptations, having people eating things that I can't eat and having to eat alone, because I care. Having to tolerate with the pain that is so pain that I have to limb while walking. I have become so much stronger on the way.

But another side of me is just sick and tired, be it your excuses, the temptation, the aches I have to get everyday. It's crazy. Then again, maybe that is you, what can I do? You have the power to make the whole house be working out with you. But I can't.

So why am I trying so hard, when no one cares? NO ONE CARES. I am running out of motivation myself. So what I am 19, still wearing clothes like I have no motherfucking fashion sense. So what if I get fatter and fatter till the whole world shuns me, and I die with some freaking complications from some small disease.

JUST FORGET IT. FORGET IT.

Sunken mood.

Tonight's not the night for happy post. You have been warned.

Tonight's seemed to become a bad night after all.

You said that you hate people coming to ruin you. Why are ruining me?

Why are you doing this to me? What have I done to get such treatments from you?

Just what am I to you? Stupid ego shit jerk.

Are status on the social websites so important?

认识你的这两年，我自认对你问心无愧。帮你的也不少。从来也没亏待过你。

可是，为什么要这样，为什么好像什么事都好像针对我？

我到底做了什么？让你可以这么的讨厌我？

如果你的目的是要彻彻底底的打败我，那我可以和你说，你成功了。你满意了吗？

Just freaking get out of my life, like how you said you would. Totally get out of my life.

Away to a place I won't sense you, won't see you and don't ever come back.

Just give me back my life. Give me back the old me.

Or maybe, just try to fix it and get. it. right.

But I doubt it will ever happen.

If only things were much simpler.

True colours.

Everyone wants to know everyone's true colours.

But just no one wants to really accept it when they see it.

So what's the point of showing when?

Truth is always vulnerable, reality is cruel.

Protect your mask well.