迷失。

一直以来，已经知道自己不是一个很会唱歌的人。

可是，也在朋友的认可，鼓励里，也开始不在否认这自己有些皮毛。

觉得，自己是会唱歌的。

听了自己以前的歌声，真的觉得自己是个大音痴。

也因为这样，记得了这些年一路走来，努力要把个唱好的经历。

想着，这一路，只有三个字。不简单。

什么都是自己慢慢的摸，慢慢的学。

可是人有几年呀？

渐渐的，把自己看成了个歌者的我，也找不到推动力了。

尤其看了中国好声音后，真的没力了。

努力了那么久也不就这样，没多好的样。

没有高亢的嗓子，没有熟练的技巧，没有个人的特色。什么也没有。

多不想放弃，一心想证明给那些贬低我的人，完成我的梦。

梦，梦都说是梦了。

没料儿，就是没料吧。

就像你说的，普通。Normal. 

咳。

只能说，每个歌者背后都有故事。

Fate.

I'm never a strong believer of fate,
always believed that I can never just succumb just like that to fate without even trying can I?

But, sometimes, you really can't ignore it, it will just come to your face.
For it is indeed fate has decided many things for me, where I am now, what I am now, theI get to meet many people, interact with them, learn things from, get to grow up. Face changes in life. Grow stronger.

Not forgetting that it is BECAUSE of fate that I get to know awesome and people dear to me.

Fate might play with your perception as is also via fate, that I get to see the true colours of many time after time. Like the saying people often say in chinese;

路摇知马力，日久见人心。
这句话，我终于也明白，了解了不多。

人心险恶，我又知道多少，知面，知人不知心。

Fate plays with your life at the weirdest places you can think of, even on things as simple as shoes. MY VANS T.T
(having to whine for it for 1year, I am still left with nothing!! :(((( )

Be it good or bad, fate plays with you and sticks to you like superglue, you can choose to not believe it.
But it will prank on you at the strangest time to catch you off your guard. Driving me to the pillar.

Why can't fate give me simpler people in life? Or maybe it's not so much about fate, it is so much of my overworking brain. WHATEVER.

#HOWIFEEL

I'm not kidding.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED THAT THIS IS A POST OF LONG NONSENSICAL RANTING.

How time can change one person's perceptive.

In the morning, I psycho-ed myself to never let food, be my source of comfort again. Never. I want my new life, my new self and I am going to get it no matter by hook or by crook.

But now, I just wish I can gorge myself with the food I love, because you know what? No one cares!!
I'm telling you. No one cares. It's said that, yea, my friends and family supports me, restricting me what I should eat and shouldn't eat. But guess what? When it's time to work out, they all pull out from it.

"I am tired." "I needa get this done by tonight." "I just ate, sorry."

All these excuses from time to time, given and shoved straight to my face.
But what can I do? Make a big fuss?

And when I do get my workout, I am being pinpointed at. "Your method won't work." "You're not doing it right." "You can go faster." "I did better that time, so you can too."

You know what? _|_
What's your ever highest weight huh and what's mine? Want to compare?

Every weight adds an extra effort I have to take to move my freaking body.
Why not you walk in my shoes huh? Add the weight on your body and see how it feels like?
See if you can "DO IT BETTER".

It's funny how a side of me understands that you are tired, you don't need this workout, you are just entertaining me, accompanying me so that it makes me happy, because you know that's what I want to do and this is what I want to do, it's none of your business, I shouldn't blame you. I should be laughing to myself you're trying your very best to workout together with me and that I shouldn't give up because its for my own good.

In this journey, I have conquered many temptations, having people eating things that I can't eat and having to eat alone, because I care. Having to tolerate with the pain that is so pain that I have to limb while walking. I have become so much stronger on the way.

But another side of me is just sick and tired, be it your excuses, the temptation, the aches I have to get everyday. It's crazy. Then again, maybe that is you, what can I do? You have the power to make the whole house be working out with you. But I can't.

So why am I trying so hard, when no one cares? NO ONE CARES. I am running out of motivation myself. So what I am 19, still wearing clothes like I have no motherfucking fashion sense. So what if I get fatter and fatter till the whole world shuns me, and I die with some freaking complications from some small disease.

JUST FORGET IT. FORGET IT.

Honey for the heart.

Today has been a seemingly awesome, relaxing day.

Had some sudden urge of oozing courage to call someone I never thought I would call and talk to, so much for being a 不想后果的冲动派。

Awkward as much as it might feel in the duration, it was kinda an awesome feeling that somehow no amount of words can describe. Though awkward as it might seemed to be, it was worth it.

The day was really AWEEEEEEEE-SOMEEEEEEEEE.

Other than the moodswings and stuff, so much for being a Cancerian.

However it is also through all these things in life, that had really made me feel blessed that God had gave me so many angels in my life. Be it whether they are close or not so close to me in my life already, they still cared.

Sometimes that's all that matters in life.

It's those things in life that gives honey to your heart and make the world seem to be less complicated and hateful. Thanks all who make my day.

Cherish what I have rather than to cry over what I lost, is what I have to tell myself.

Let go, and all will be fine.

执著是好事，可是有时，对一些事情过于执著只会弄巧反拙罢了。

Sunken mood.

Tonight's not the night for happy post. You have been warned.

Tonight's seemed to become a bad night after all.

You said that you hate people coming to ruin you. Why are ruining me?

Why are you doing this to me? What have I done to get such treatments from you?

Just what am I to you? Stupid ego shit jerk.

Are status on the social websites so important?

认识你的这两年，我自认对你问心无愧。帮你的也不少。从来也没亏待过你。

可是，为什么要这样，为什么好像什么事都好像针对我？

我到底做了什么？让你可以这么的讨厌我？

如果你的目的是要彻彻底底的打败我，那我可以和你说，你成功了。你满意了吗？

Just freaking get out of my life, like how you said you would. Totally get out of my life.

Away to a place I won't sense you, won't see you and don't ever come back.

Just give me back my life. Give me back the old me.

Or maybe, just try to fix it and get. it. right.

But I doubt it will ever happen.

If only things were much simpler.

Late night movie emotional rant :x

Sometimes, I just think that, movies are so fake.
I have seen loads, not saying that they are bad, or anything superficial.

There loads of good movies, with good inside story/message.

But what happen in the movie stays in the movie and will never be real. Never.

For dreams, in the end, we still can't exactly throw away what we have now and really heck care and chase our dreams.

Beauty and the beast? Who cares so much about what's inside you, what greets you first is the person's looks, if the looks are screwed. Well. You know what happen.

Yes, it is true that, through movies, it triggers feeling that people are having inside of them, that's why they cry, when they see a movie, when they felt that the movie is telling how they feel out in whatever way.

But at the end of the day, when the "magical" feeling of that movie wear off.

Are we still going to feel that compassion and sympathy to that?

No. You will still be who you are before. Sadly.

No matter what. Because of what we go through are all different, at the end of the day, rich kids are still never going to feel how really poor kids are feeling to have the need to worry that they will have no dinner tonight.

Or the fitter kids will never understand that it's not that the fat kids are lazy toward maintaining their weight so that they can look good. While fat kids are there thinking how awesome it would be if they are just a little more conforming to the norms of the society.

No one would really know how each other feel unless they have really been there.

The statement maybe harsh, but at the end of the day.

When we sit down and ask ourselves. Do we even know what we want?

How can we feel for others if we, don't even know what we want?