I'm not kidding.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED THAT THIS IS A POST OF LONG NONSENSICAL RANTING.

How time can change one person's perceptive.

In the morning, I psycho-ed myself to never let food, be my source of comfort again. Never. I want my new life, my new self and I am going to get it no matter by hook or by crook.

But now, I just wish I can gorge myself with the food I love, because you know what? No one cares!!
I'm telling you. No one cares. It's said that, yea, my friends and family supports me, restricting me what I should eat and shouldn't eat. But guess what? When it's time to work out, they all pull out from it.

"I am tired." "I needa get this done by tonight." "I just ate, sorry."

All these excuses from time to time, given and shoved straight to my face.
But what can I do? Make a big fuss?

And when I do get my workout, I am being pinpointed at. "Your method won't work." "You're not doing it right." "You can go faster." "I did better that time, so you can too."

You know what? _|_
What's your ever highest weight huh and what's mine? Want to compare?

Every weight adds an extra effort I have to take to move my freaking body.
Why not you walk in my shoes huh? Add the weight on your body and see how it feels like?
See if you can "DO IT BETTER".

It's funny how a side of me understands that you are tired, you don't need this workout, you are just entertaining me, accompanying me so that it makes me happy, because you know that's what I want to do and this is what I want to do, it's none of your business, I shouldn't blame you. I should be laughing to myself you're trying your very best to workout together with me and that I shouldn't give up because its for my own good.

In this journey, I have conquered many temptations, having people eating things that I can't eat and having to eat alone, because I care. Having to tolerate with the pain that is so pain that I have to limb while walking. I have become so much stronger on the way.

But another side of me is just sick and tired, be it your excuses, the temptation, the aches I have to get everyday. It's crazy. Then again, maybe that is you, what can I do? You have the power to make the whole house be working out with you. But I can't.

So why am I trying so hard, when no one cares? NO ONE CARES. I am running out of motivation myself. So what I am 19, still wearing clothes like I have no motherfucking fashion sense. So what if I get fatter and fatter till the whole world shuns me, and I die with some freaking complications from some small disease.

JUST FORGET IT. FORGET IT.