I know I shouldn't be doing a blog post especially at this period of time, with the UTs all coming at me and me not knowing any peanuts that's gonna be tested. But my mood is really at it's peak's lowest.
I am not kidding. The worst feeling in the world sometimes, is not those that can be shown out. Showing it out, in my opinion is a sign of strength. Ironically speaking.
However, the real losers are the ones that suppresses. I can feel I am suppressing. On the outside, I am letting you go, learning not to rely that you're "there" for me. Being all happy and bubbly, knowing that even if I died the next moment, you won't even despair for me for even one second. Learning to not spazz to your fake existence. Yet, on the inside of me, I am dying to hold on, knowing that I enjoy your presence. What is this?
It's this tug of war that is making me really sick. It's those constant reminders that remind me you're there. What can I do? I am me, the one that sucks at letting go. But what can I do? Nothing.
Everyone wears a mask, hiding a part of them that they don't want to show to the world. You, me, them. We all have it. But what can I do, no matter to you, to her, to anyone, as hard as I try to break those barriers, they would still be there. I am tired being the happy one here. But who would be there if I really cry and break down? No one, I know there would be some who WILL stand by me, but do they REALLY want to stand by me. Or simply because they have no choice.
Gosh, I should go back to study, before I start blaming, turning the loop back and really lose the mood to do anything.
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