没有人会记得你从前多么的光彩成功。

没有人会理你曾经怎么苦苦的挣扎。

不过，全世界都会记得你放弃过，失败过，跌倒过。

从未跌倒过的你又怎么了解我的痛。

流过多少泪，心累了几回 你又知不知道。

谁不想跌倒了站起来，讲的容易做的难。

Many see a new beginning as a new start, but I can't help it to see it more like a death sentence. 

That feeling alone, is sufficient to show what I'm feeling. 

Just leave me alone since I'm already doing what you want me to do. Stop it with the razor sharp remarks. 

It's not like I don't know how fucked up I'm? I should be the clearest one myself. 

Financial incapable, academic incapable, don't even know what do with my life. Only know how play SIMS 4, stay fat and drama all day long when people around me all graduating, running their own business and earning big bucks. 

I'm not blaming you for anything because I fucked up. Not you, you have your job, your car, your nice figure and your beautiful hair. 

Alright fuck my writing proficiency, fuck everything. 🖕🏻 (I still write like some sec school ah lian.)

I don't even know how to go on with this. Fuck everything, seriously. 

And... I still need to work tomorrow. 

Fuck growing up. 

A deserved day of break

It has been long since I have logged in to write a post. 

It seemed not long ago when blogging was still a weekly routine I would do to either rant my emotions or simply just to log down things I wouldn't want to forget in my life. 

Now it seemed like I am just wrecking my head just so I can write something proper. 

Maybe it's due to the change of lifestyle, different commitments. Different everything. 

I lost some things, I gained some. I learnt some, I forget some. 

Though some things seemed to never change, those hidden wounds, memories. The pain will always be there. Like how stars would always be there even though you don't always see it. 

At some point of time, I really thought I changed. Be it for the better or for the worst, stronger or weaker, because I know I am changing to what I need to be as of this moment to survive. Yup. You heard right. SURVIVE. So much for grand wishes at the end of the year, every year. 

Now, even surviving seemed such a big word to achieve. 

To a great 2015, I say to myself. 

Till the next break I give to myself, be safe my lil' blog. 

As usual, I don't think  I make any sense, but if there's anyone reading.
Thank you, may the force be with you young one.

I thought I could.

 What's the use of believing I could when the truth is obviously telling me that I can't. People take uni. I take uni. People work, I work. People pass, I fail. 

I thought I changed for the better, I thought I did, but I got proved wrong. 

I had a good life, now, I just hoped for an ordinary life, a peaceful life. It doesn't have to be fantastic. Just leave the drama out. 

I thought I could handle it.

By caring lesser, by not giving a shit, by not expressing any emotions. 

I thought I could handle it. I really thought I could, but what's the use of staying positive when I'm already on my ends' meet just trying to make everyday work. 

It looks like I'm having a high life full of materialistic wants and shit, but little do they know what I will give all that just to be happy again.

I'm tired of smiling, I'm tired of staying positive. What's the point of staying positive when I die a little inside every time I tell myself "nothing worth it comes easy." What's the point of keeping the faith when there's no longer anything to fight for. 

Those positive quotes on tumblr don't work on me no more. 

I'm tired.

The worst part, I have never felt so alone before. 

Everyone wants a piece of me, about what's going on but just how many truly care because they truly care. 

How many of them who truly cared don't have enough on their plate?

Food for Thought.

Company recently added a new fish tank near the place I am sitting, as beautiful as it looks with all the tiny little fishes swimming here and there. It is so therapeutic to just stare at it and after hours of hammering the laptop pumping and generating work.

While feeding the fishes and looking at them all eagerly swimming to snatch for food, it suddenly struck me that fishes are also living things, an animal who have their own train of thoughts and feelings just like me and you.

Are we too insensitive to always make an aquarium out of them because they look nice like that?

Putting back into context of humans, I would never be wanted to be placed into somewhere without me knowing, confined into a small area, dealing with people that I am forced to deal with, 24 hours, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Goodness.  At least us humans have a home, to run away from everything. Well, at least for me. 

Count your blessings, people.

Hwaiting, fishies! You are already stronger than I think I would ever be.

I don’t think I make any sense, but I just felt like writing this out. LOL. 

Just clearing some spider cobs.

It has been long since I have wrote an update.
Life has been busy… Mentally and physically. Work, school and long fights.

Whitney Houston’s “I have nothing” seemed to be one song that would pretty much explain my feelings. Hmmm.

So much for negativities! 

It has been so much the reason why I hasn’t been writing much, apart for the fact that I will most probably want to spend time to either talk on the phone and just go to bed instead of writing, since university’s writing seemed to have hit my quota. LOL. Not forgetting the admin job I am holding.

I don’t even think anything I am writing makes any grammatical sense.
Taking in mind the post-effects of sleeping less than 6 hours every day for this entire week with school.

School and work has been great even though it has been and is the only cause I am heavily lacking sleep, but it has got me into a regime at the very least, but it’s all still hard to say as work is still taking it’s honeymoon on me and I have just ended the gene module. Things are still considered to be less stressful as compared. Exams are still seemingly faraway, while work is still relaxing thanks to the fact that there’s still my partner in the very least. (who is leaving by this week.) Then after which is all by my ownnnnnnnnnnn. DON’T WANT TO BE ALL BY MY OWNNNNNNNNNN.

Thinking on the bright side, this job has helped opened me to a lot of things, realizing how fortunate I have been and I should just be contented of what I am having now. If I were to have been accepted by any of the labs instead of this job, it’s confirm chop more and more failing modules coming my way.

Oh, not forgetting the great facilities I am entitled of after having a job. DAEEEEEBAKKKKKK. (Y)

Just praying hard that this mojo magical balance will last me through and modules will pass pass pass their way through.
GENE2230 that applies to you as well.  Do well. Do me proud, I have studied the hardest I have could although hard work do not always equate to good results, PLEASE, LET ME PASS. GUAN YIN MA BOBI.

新工作第二天的感想；

半工半读不简单。

撑着吧！

别人可以，我也可以。*自我催眠中*

累，累，累。

钱，钱，钱。 

ಥ_ಥ

家长。

变态的两天内追完了湖南卫视的《爸爸去哪？》

看着那些爸爸怎么的被那些孩子们搞得六神无主，把屎把尿的的照顾和守护着他们，真让我有些感触。

想起了当年父母亲也是那么样的把屎把尿的，守护着，陪伴着我长大。

只是随着岁月，开始独立了，长大了，以前常常表达的爱慢慢少了，父母对孩子的期望越来越多了，随着也多了责任，压力和争吵。

那种无微不至呵护的画面也慢慢的在脑海里模糊了。

内心天真无邪的那个小女孩也慢慢的躲的在心里越来越深的地方去。

虽然已经知道找不回这种感觉了，就算能也不知道要怎么去找回这种感觉，但是我真的很想在有这种感觉。

这种虚伪，不实际的幸福感。

我做梦去吧。