Best word to describe me.

Sometimes, I think the real reason why I become like that is because of the way you mold me to be. 

Sometimes, I ask myself, what am I? A puppet? 

Doing things as you like, as much as I have tried to go into a path that you wanted, there's still things that you pick on. As much as I want to prove that there's more that meets the eye, the more you try to push it down. 

I agree that you do live longer than me, eat more salt in comparative to the amount of rice I take. 

Have more experience in life than me, see more than me. But what cannot be bought by money, can never be bought by money, and you obviously, do not understand. 

You never seemed to understand what I mean. 

You have what you think it's good for me. You always think that that's the best for me, but do you think that's what I want in life. 

I really don't understand why do you have to always be like that, life isn't all about the money. Although yes I agree that there's alot of things you can't do without money, but then again. If money is all you think about for me, then why live a life. Just kill yourself. Because there's nothing inside you anymore. NOTHING and thanks to that mind of yours, nothing I want to do is correct, nothing I do is worth it. 

I ain't made to be a singer, I ain't made to be a editor, I ain't made to be a director.

Guess what, I don't think  I am made to become a doctor too. 

FUCK IT. But do I have a choice. No, after __th posts about my life controlled by you. 

There's nothing I can do. 

I am still stuck in my own tiny useless biomedical course, not doing the things I like. 

Though on a side note, you do close an eye on me, thankfully, or else I think I will just kill myself. 

PS: If you could just change the way you talk, maybe I will be less pissed. 

Maybe.

; Maybe I should stop learning to care so much about people around me. 

Maybe less things would happen as things are always better when leave untouched. 

船到桥头自然直。虽然是懦弱，逃避的想法。

不过，逃避至少可以避免弄巧反拙的几率。

I know I shouldn't be doing a blog post especially at this period of time, with the UTs all coming at me and me not knowing any peanuts that's gonna be tested. But my mood is really at it's peak's lowest.

I am not kidding. The worst feeling in the world sometimes, is not those that can be shown out. Showing it out, in my opinion is a sign of strength. Ironically speaking.

However, the real losers are the ones that suppresses. I can feel I am suppressing. On the outside, I am letting you go, learning not to rely that you're "there" for me. Being all happy and bubbly, knowing that even if I died the next moment, you won't even despair for me for even one second. Learning to not spazz to your fake existence. Yet, on the inside of me, I am dying to hold on, knowing that I enjoy your presence. What is this?

It's this tug of war that is making me really sick. It's those constant reminders that remind me you're there. What can I do? I am me, the one that sucks at letting go. But what can I do? Nothing.

Everyone wears a mask, hiding a part of them that they don't want to show to the world. You, me, them. We all have it. But what can I do, no matter to you, to her, to anyone, as hard as I try to break those barriers, they would still be there. I am tired being the happy one here. But who would be there if I really cry and break down? No one, I know there would be some who WILL stand by me, but do they REALLY want to stand by me. Or simply because they have no choice.

Gosh, I should go back to study, before I start blaming, turning the loop back and really lose the mood to do anything.

Time to reply.

This song totally says out my feeling for you. LOL. It really carries much emotion.

Time to reply; Charlie McDonnell
I found you this morning
When I was on break
Thought you were funny
If a little insane

I quickly forgot you
And got on with my day
But then there you were
Back in my mind again

Figured I'd find you
To see what you've done
It's very impressive
Looks like you have fun

I wanna say thank you
For brightening my day
I hope that I
Could do just the same

For you
For you
And I know that you're busy
But I hope you find the time to reply

I've spent my whole evening
Sitting watching you
But there's nothing left now
Could you make something new

I find we've so much in common
How wierd can it be
That I feel I know you
Though you don't know me

I know it sounds crazy
But I think if we met
Spend time together
We would end up friends

And although it's unlikely
I think I'll be fine
'Cause unlikely things
Happen all the time

I learned that from you,
I learned that from you,
And I know that you're busy
But I hope you find the time to reply

It's been so long
And I haven't heard back
I'd tell you how long
But I think I've lost track

Is it really so hard
To write just a sentence
Or, two

I've just seen your latest
And it was okay
But it wasn't quite you
It seems like you've changed

You still enjoying
Things that you do
Say that you are
But it doesn't ring true

I went back to see you
The way that you were
Thought it might cheer me up
But it just didn't work

Thought that you should know that
I think that I'm done
You're not just for me now
But I've had fun

Watching you
Watching you
And I know that you're busy
So don't worry you don't have to reply.

I have to understand that,

I am not you. You are not me. I will never know what you think. 

 I should stop thinking so much dot.

Should I hold on?

Or give up?

Judging from what happen, God's just trying to make me wake up from this endless dream.
I don't know if I will really be able to break it off, but somehow, I know, I will never look at you the same way again. I am sorry for what had happened, even though, genuinely, I know it's never my fault.

For what happen it's for a reason, I could have possibly not call you on this very day, but an "invisible" force just made me. There's really nothing I could say to describe what I am feeling.

Then again, it's fated, and it's expected. 

Ending off Year 2.

又感觉自己老了。时光象流沙，岁月不留人。

好怀念做小孩的感觉哟。

Better not emo, still got loads of plans ahead coming.
But sometimes, I just wish to go back to those times when life is so simple, even going home at 3pm in the afternoon is a sin and could get you a harmless spanking by your dear mother. 

An update about life.

Life's have been tiring ever since I have came back from Bangkok. 

PMS + diarrhea = awesome drainage on my energy bar.  

Even worked through the weekend, sales isn't as good on the first day. 

Some customers are so crappy that I really feel like punching them left and right.

Second day was alright, was less shagged due to a good night's sleep,there was more sales, but accidentally served someone else's customer, feeling guilty, but hopefully no hard feelings, that sale really helped me somehow. I am thankful.

Oh yeah, I FINALLY GOT TO WATCH MYSTIQUE VALLEY. LIKE FINALLY.
It's kinda awesome that I finally found a source to watch it.
IT'S DAMN AWESOME :) though the drama's long and I am busy. I will still make things while last. 'Cause she's too beautiful to be rejected. HEH.

*Gosh.* 

PS: And somehow, got to know that people are always watching me. Gotta be careful next time. *shrink eye stare* 

Bangkok Trip '12

Hi, it has been long that I have done a proper update about my life. 

Have been really lazy, or just simply, liking my privacy which is kinda irony to say, as I am already giving an update of my life here. Sounds kinda leychey. Forget it. My mind was never clear. 

So, I am back from my long-waited holiday trip. 

It's all nice and green when I first blogged at that moment. 

 

 

(Photos are proof!!) 

But one always say that no one knows what happens in the next moment. 

IT'S TRUE. 

Got a diarrhea subsequently, really bad diarrhea, instead of shopping,

(because of this)

Long cooking time, bullshit boiling tiny bowl of water.

I slept in the hotel all day long. 

Did I regret? YES. Of course, lost loads of time I could bond with my parents, but then again. Looking at my life now, it's good that I got that long undisturbed sleep. 

But overall, the trip is good, but this time round it isn't as much of a frantic holiday as compared to last year's. I did miss home as compared to last year. Maybe it's because of that person who didn't appear, or maybe, I have grown old. Old enough to know home's really the best place on Earth. 

I'm backkkkkkkkkkkkk. 

Lagorn-kahhhhhh~