School.

Hello, the few people that reads my blog.
It's me again. (obviously) back to write a post, since I just have a sudden realisation that I haven't been doing some serious blogging about everything.
Maybe for the fact that I have been busy with a lot of shit recently that I haven't really got any mood to blog anymore.

Shall tune my time capsule to two months. Since I I think I haven't really blabber much about life since then.
Well, something major happened; I STARTED SCHOOL. Yup. I started university and all I can say about that is. I don't like it! :( So much for integrating to university as a PBL students. Lectures, solo-ing lab stuff cause no one wants to partner with me and closed-booked exams. BOOOOO.

(Liar liar, pants on fire.)

I thought I would adapt fast, although honestly, I am not a person who adapts fast to environment, but hey, I have been trained to do all these since primary to secondary school right? I should be alright. (That's all self-consolation.) In the end, it isn't as smooth-sailing as I have expected, but hey, I guess I am learning right? One month down, I am getting used to the feeling of doing my own lab shit, I am slowly adapting to having to listen to 3 hours straight of lecture. I making new friends.

There's only one thing left I guess. EXAMS. Two exams down, the first one was horrible, I didn't even understood what the paper was saying. FANTASTIC BABY.

The second paper I had just 2 days ago was the demoralising one. Making me feel as if I am not cut.

The different highlighting factor was widely because I understood the paper, knew what was the various questions asking for and all that shit, but the bullshit come when I needed the minute details for the various concepts. That's when the shit comes in. 

For almost 3-4 years of my life, I never had to memorise no shit, all I have to do is know the concepts, understand it and the rest would be covered by open book notes, nothing else. 

Now? No way that's going to work. :( 

I really don't know how freaking long it would take me to forget this method of studying and move on, but I have to do it fast since final exam is like just less than 2 weeks away. :'( 

Just kill me someone. Please. 

Never felt so useless before. 

Acting happy and strong doesn't help anymore. 

Well, all I am hoping now, is may this post become a joke, in the 2 years to come after I graduate. 

Stay strong, Shermaine. 

Birthdays.

ヽ(oﾟｪﾟo)ﾉ

Always loved birthdays since I'm a little kid, you receive presents, get to eat cakes and good food...until... I had friends. Like real friends that be there for you, do things for you, inclusive of doing sweet birthdays to brighten up your birthdays. 

It seemed that doing the same thing back would be mandatory, 以上往来嘛。

Year after year, it becomes a nightmare. 

I mean no joke. 

Meaningful, heartfelt cards, thoughtful gifts. Oh not to mention the effort and all the late nights. 

Jumble it all up, a chore worst than any jobs in the world, because your not doing things to meet up with other's but the standard of your own, year after year with the standards rising to surpass last year.

So much for 超越ing 自己。

Oh, not to mention that the nightmare becomes worst if you are like me, who have loads of friends whose birthdays fall on the same month? 

(Just seemed to clique with October babies exceptionally well.)

Burn your pockets full of holes and challenging the limits of your liver. 

Although, the end products and the appreciation would always make everything worthwhile, but... I'm tired.

Ultra tired. Just let me off. 😭😣

I'm glad October is almost over. 

Shall celebrate gloriously with a hydrating mask and my 俗剌到不行的hello kitty睡衣。

Yes, people. Laugh.

I need a laugh at myself too. 

I really need a break. A cleanse for my soul and body. 

Down with birthdays, comes my exams.

不想听到肝爆的声音也不行，加油吧，Shermaine。

Shall stop here, since I don't even know what I'm even writing already with all the mixture of Chinese and English usage all over the place. 

My brain really needs rest.

( ? _ ? )

闭眼时，历历在目似的想起你们的争吵，就算在渴望爱的我，因该也没想要爱了吧。

谢谢你们让我看清了，不管多浓烈，伟大的爱都会有烧到尽头的一天。

此刻的我也真的希望自己能够快点长大，不管是经济上还是性格上，因为你们今天也让我看清了事事无绝对。就算再美好的家，也有可能有支离破碎的一天。

与其等到事情发生以后，才问自己能做什么，能去哪里，不如把自己独立，坚强起来。一切靠自己。

怪只怪自己没用。生活过太爽啦得事事都靠父母。

我真的是该长大了。