Low-life

9 Oct 2019, 9:54pm. Location: Starbucks; SG.

I am currently at a Starbucks near home. Very near home. 

The sad thing about this post is, I am not at a starbucks because I want to or because I needed to get shit done... technically; in the state of mind. (I actually have shit that needs to be done) 

It's because I don't want to go home. Yup. At 27, I don't want to go home. 

If someone told the Shermaine at 17 YO, trust me. 

She will be laughing so hard her belly would explode. 

It's so weird that things changed so much within these 2 years.

How I decided to start on an uni degree, how I decided to get a license. 

How I have decided I wanted changes in my life; I wanted to better myself, I started supporting myself, I wanted somebody, I fell for somebody and ... the list goes on. 

So much have changed, even my family. Till now, I don't really know what changed the equation, what made me changed. 

Now I really look up to people who has a shitty upbringing and still made it.
I really applaud, because my life feels like it's falling in shambles. 

It feels like I am just on doses of morphine through dosage of support from friends. 

Support on people that I should not support/ lean on. 

It seriously made me feel that, I don't deserve to have anyone. 

Somewhat, somewhere, this is not the life I envisioned myself to have. 

I hope some time down the road, things will be better. 

People always say, family, they are your strongest rapport. Your greatest asset.
I envy that. 

I just hope, my family stop screwing up with me. 

Please. 

I am sorry you have to read on a 27 YO rant like she's 17. 

I guess I bloomed late. 

错的人

很久没有想写东西了，这blog上的灰尘应该能建个灰尘小雪人了吧。（好，不好笑）

26岁的我，喜欢上了个男生 也因此好像做了很多疯狂的事。

从想要一个人，到想要有个伴，到想要他看见我，到也希望他也喜欢我。

甚至到自己怀疑自己是不是不够漂亮。

这感觉真的很奇怪。

回想起来，其实我也可笑 在写这文章的时候 想要说想来个 《为了他，我学会了...吃香菜？...本人已经很爱吃香菜 哈哈哈哈》confirm 中了爱情保卫战的毒 哈哈哈哈

认识他那么久 其实也不知道他喜欢吃什么 我还真的是奇葩了。还说喜欢人家...

听了一早上的《错的人》回想了很多 

从相遇 到认识 到暧昧(自我感觉) 到我确定自己真的喜欢上你 

起初 不确认自己感觉 真的给了自己很多理由告诉自己你不是对的人 

(朋友都劝我说不要不要 不要拿自己的幸福开玩笑) 

你不帅，不会打扮，假死，不会...很多很多的不会。
但 还是慢慢的关心你 慢慢的担心你 慢慢的喜欢你。

因为喜欢你 都不知道少睡了多少，找了多少军师，想了很多。

可是你他妈的 真的很会假死 哈哈哈哈哈

可是谢谢你来到我的生活里，谢谢大脑让我喜欢上你。

希望 我能够慢慢的走出来。

希望你永远不知道我喜欢你（虽然有点不可能） 希望你永远开心 希望你幸福呗  

我也不知道要写什么了。就希望你下次如果在挂科的话 不要太难过 不要找我了。

我也不会在烦你啦。

许雪曼 这是你自己写的 你可是要 写到做到啊。

不知不觉

不知不觉 3年了。
我也成长了不少吧。
纯粹无聊 纯粹Duty的时候没事干。

只越来越不明白爱情。

不管多刻苦铭心。

久了，什么都不是。

只会变成无止尽的枷锁和束缚。

到现在我还是不了解为什么这一切会发生。

我…不好命… 我只是幸运能够拥有金钱来掩饰我的懦弱和痛。

我不喜欢一个人，

不过还是关上心，一个人好了。

做人好烦……真的好烦。

Looking at my banner, makes me miss life from back then when nothing happened... At all. 

What is my fashion style?

My fashion style is fat.

Yup.

Fat. Whatever I like and I can wear, I wear. -.-

Being a youtuber is seriously no joke.

I really want a change, but what change can there be?

No. Wait. I need to go do my assignment still.

Fuck la.

#storyofmylife 2016. _|_

3 months down my new journey.

Hi guys,

Surprised to see me? I am myself.
Life, have been pretty great since I quitted UWA. I got to travel a lot more since then.
Then I decide to start studying again.
It's been three months since I embarked on my new pursuit with the business degree and since then life sucks. Like literally. Sucks.
Tons and tons of assignments, citations, loads of quiz, loads of lectures...
Three months down, I have already messed up with my sleep cycle, but then again, being so sleep deprived so that I can finish my assignments, I can basically sleep everywhere.

That's unless your mom decides to try her best to wake you up for dinner even though you're deep asleep and have been trying to stay asleep for about 30 mins through just because she bought dinner that cannot be eaten tomorrow as breakfast. DAYUMMMMM.

Well, so here I am writing this post. Trying to feel sleepy again.

I have got to learn a lot more outside the box, considering being in the science faculty for this long already. Being in business really pushed me out of the box.
Having so many more outspoken people around me, having people dress up constantly and having to write long paragraphs of work. It's really a culture shock.
Well at least now I got to learn that writing is something that needs constant practice.
I have been writing so much recently that now writing a post seemed like a piece of cake.
But then again, applying back to the uni context, better read more before I get marked down for anymore "forum-like" languages.
For now, feels so good to not have to give two cent of what I am writing. I don't have to care the credibility of what I am writing and I don't have to citate any shit. FUCK THAT SHIT. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
#lifeofanunistudent

Till then.

I am going to do some quiz, writing is instead making me more energetic for no apparent reason.
I am so annoyed now, gonna be so screwed tomorrow. Confirm plus chop.

没有人会记得你从前多么的光彩成功。

没有人会理你曾经怎么苦苦的挣扎。

不过，全世界都会记得你放弃过，失败过，跌倒过。

从未跌倒过的你又怎么了解我的痛。

流过多少泪，心累了几回 你又知不知道。

谁不想跌倒了站起来，讲的容易做的难。

Many see a new beginning as a new start, but I can't help it to see it more like a death sentence. 

That feeling alone, is sufficient to show what I'm feeling. 

Just leave me alone since I'm already doing what you want me to do. Stop it with the razor sharp remarks. 

It's not like I don't know how fucked up I'm? I should be the clearest one myself. 

Financial incapable, academic incapable, don't even know what do with my life. Only know how play SIMS 4, stay fat and drama all day long when people around me all graduating, running their own business and earning big bucks. 

I'm not blaming you for anything because I fucked up. Not you, you have your job, your car, your nice figure and your beautiful hair. 

Alright fuck my writing proficiency, fuck everything. 🖕🏻 (I still write like some sec school ah lian.)

I don't even know how to go on with this. Fuck everything, seriously. 

And... I still need to work tomorrow. 

Fuck growing up.